- UFO Surge Caused by Hacked Drones — China’s Spy Balloons Still Roaming Free
In a press briefing that started serious and immediately fell apart, Pentagoon officials announced that UFO sightings have skyrocketed by over 400% in the past year. But instead of aliens, they say most of the objects are actually “overly ambitious drones experiencing identity confusion due to computer hacks.”
According to the report, many of these drones were originally built for simple tasks like delivering toothpaste or filming real estate videos. But after seeing one too many Toxic Avenger movies, they’ve begun hovering suspiciously, glowing dramatically, and occasionally transmitting cryptic Tromatic messages like:
“Take me to your influencer.”
One drone was reportedly found wearing a tiny homemade cape and attempting to negotiate “intergalactic peace” with a Roomba, who replied that they don’t want to Rumba.
And then there are the balloons…
The Pentagoon’s also confirmed that several of the Chinese spy balloons from 2023 are still floating around the planet, refusing to come down.
One balloon was spotted drifting over Nebraska last week, looking “deflated emotionally but not physically.” Another was seen near the Great Lakes, allegedly trying to join a flock of geese.
A senior defense analyst, speaking off the record, said:
“We’ve tried to shoot them down, but at this point they’re basically part of the ecosystem. One balloon has been adopted by a family of hawks.”
China maintains the balloons were “weather research devices,” though one balloon was caught broadcasting a playlist titled ‘Top Secret Surveillance Jams Vol. 2.’
Drones vs. Balloons: The Turf War
In a bizarre twist, several drones have reportedly begun challenging the balloons for airspace dominance, claiming the balloons are “too old school” and “not futuristic enough.”
One drone wrote a 14 page manifesto insisting that balloons are stupid boomers, and should “step aside and let the next generation of beard-wearing airborne’s take over.”
The balloon responded by slowly rotating 15 degrees and doing absolutely nothing else.
Pentagoon’s Official Conclusion
After months of analysis, the Pentagoon’s final statement reads:
“We can confirm that none of these objects pose a threat. They are simply confused, drama-queens, or lost-in-space.”
Officials say they will continue monitoring the skies, but admit that at this point, “the sky is basically a chaotic daycare, and who cares – nobody looks up there anyway.”
- POST-KAZILLIONAIRES POOLING NICKELS FOR TACO BELL BURRITOS IN THE PITCH BLACK
GROSSE POINTE FARMS, MI — Once a beacon of pristine pink tops, green shorts, and crisp tennis whites, worn by everyone who is anyone. The effortless yacht-club casual and affluent enclave of Grosse Pointe Farms has officially been declared a “Pre-Apocalyptic Wasteland.”
Local theologians and disgruntled residents confirm the town is currently enduring a highly localized, biblical-style plague, seemingly triggered by an unholy alliance between decaying infrastructure and semi-aggressive Canadian “Na na na na-ism.”
The Six Plagues of the Pointe
The divine wrath currently leveling the community has manifested in rapid succession:
- The Darkness: The town has suffered three major power outages in six weeks. Residents have been forced to interact with their families by candlelight, a horror not seen since the Great Yacht Club Shortage of ’74.
- The Silence: The internet goes up and down constantly. Citizens are completely unable to stream Peloton classes or check their stock portfolios, leading to widespread existential dread.
- The Scorched Earth: The city has completely torn up the streets to “fix the drain systems.” Every manicured lawn and multi-thousand-dollar sprinkler system is thoroughly trashed.
- The Drought: The community is entering its fourth consecutive day with zero running water. Dry-shampoo reserves have completely depleted, forcing citizens to face the public with visible hair oil.
The Canadian Connection
Distraught locals trace the root of this curse back to our neighbors across the Detroit River. Authorities believe the infrastructure collapse is a diversionary tactic to weaken American resolve against the ongoing Canadian offensive. Many worry that Canada will secretly buy out all Grosse Pointe real estate while the getting is gooder.
This offensive includes the state-sponsored distribution of “Fentanyl-Flavored Maple Syrup” onto morning pancakes, paired with the relentless deployment of Canada’s “Bigfoot-Powered Mother Nature Fan System,” which continues to blast caustic wildfire smoke directly into Michigan lungs.
From Country Clubs to Crunchy Tacos
The societal collapse inside the Farms is absolute. The days of casual boating, sipping gin and tonics, and debating country club memberships are dead. The local economy has cratered so severely that former multi-millionaires are now seen scavenging for survival.
“I used to complain if my Chilean sea bass wasn’t sustainably sourced,” said resident Sterling Montgomery III, while aggressively wiping dust off his ruined monogrammed tennis racket. “Now? My family of four is huddled in the dark, pooling our remaining nickels just to afford a single, Taco Belle burrito. We don’t even ask for Fire sauce anymore. We can’t afford the emotional toll.”
At press time, the City Council was debating whether to fix the water mains or simply surrender the remaining ruined lawns back to the earth, officially rebranding the city as “Grosse Pointe Feral.”
- WATCH STAR TREK FAN FILMS ON ROKU
Star Trek Continued is our updated NONcommercial (yes free and Ad-free) channel on Roku. The URL to the Roku store is very long and likely designed to direct you to the Roku site for your particular territory, such as the United States, Britain, and Germany. So, I’ll give you the general link for browsing, and then the link to “add” the channel to your Roku device. Of course, you may manually add the channel too simply by searching for Star Trek / Star Trek Continues / Continued. General Browser link: https://channelstore.roku.com/details/f98ddfa29e290dbb0cfb22e56c27b398:e1a98d1d2a684e1354c29a0a60742968/star-trek-continued-fan-films
And the “add link” which requires you to be logged into your Roku account in order to complete the add: https://my.roku.com/account/add?channel=phase2
What’s in it for me? Just the love for the Trek.
PS: If you would like to make a Star Trek fan film, then I’d love to be apart of it. The new Enterprise studio is in Sandusky, Ohio. And that’s just a two-hour drive from my home in Metro Detroit. I also talk film with fellow filmmakers and aspiring talent at our monthly Film Mixers. If you’re interested find me on Facebook.com/DeanLach.
- OTOY and the Roddenberry Archive
NOT fan films, but I’ve decided to post some info and videos for those of you who have not (yet) enjoyed this wonderful homage to the origins, alumni and those who carry the Trek Torch. Note that most of these are very short but the last video is 10 minutes, so we think that’s cool. Cheers 😉
- The Neutral Zone
From Georgia to the latest studio in Sandusky, Ohio. This page is and always will be in an “update” mode because more and more information is being shared with us from Facebook and other sources, like Ray and his construction-crew in Ohio.
So, there’s a hugh amount of history behind this studio. And although Vic is still involved, you’ll see alot of new info from Ray, who is the point-guy at the in-construction studio in Ohio.
Here’s a cool breakdown of sets from Star Trek alumni and Facebook…
“Hey STC Fans! Some of you have asked us how the rocks for our planet set were constructed. Here’s how we did it! For the most part they were a series of cardboard boxes beaten up and then covered in a spray foam insulation, much like in the original series. Because they were hollow and lightweight, they were easy to move around. When it came time to paint them, someone hit them with a big paint sprayer while Vic and other members of our crew stood beside them and threw handfuls of glitter on each structure! The paint fused the glitter to the rocks and made them look even more like the planet rocks we remember from TOS! The ultimate art project! Now that you know, maybe you’d like to try this on a smaller scale. If you do, send photos to our inbox and we’ll post them! (Looking at you, action figure and model enthusiasts!”