Martian Poop is looking for fun, retro‑absurd musicians w B52’s vibe (Metro D)

Girls and odd-lot musicians, can you sing B-52’s style music? Would you like to join our Retro-Novelty-Rock-Dance band? There’s a copy of my craiglist listing below and a link to it. But you don’t need to visit that site — simply write me or connect on Facebook.com/DeanLach (it’s my personal profile on FB where I love to talk music and filmmaking.)

Note: This is a unique project because we have the support of my Television network, MoviesPlusTV.com, and also because I’m so dang “grooooovy.”

Snapshot of craigslist band-wanted ad.
Got Gruppo? Herman Brood? Trio?

Anyway, if you’re interested please email me and don’t forget to mention your favorite B-52’s tune or Gruppo Sportivo tune, and tell me why you like it (please.) Why do I ask? Because I really don’t want to have band-members who secretly would prefer doing Bob Seger or something else. Don’t get me wrong, I like classic rock, but for this project…think “Fastball meets Devo.”

The text link to the craiglist post: https://www.craigslist.org/view/d/saint-clair-shores-martian-poop-is/vw1sQUN8nuBf9UuAN52mDk

Psst: Detroit has a history of novelty bands. Did you know that? You can still go ut and see The Polish Mus’ (they even cut a record recently.) Other bands that cut records and had a nice following in the region include: The Mutants (“So American” was their regional hit) and then there’s our beloved Bootsey X (the “Lovemasters” had great tunes like “Genius from the Waist Down” and “Pusherman of Love”) and also let’s not forget Jack White’s infamous parody-rock band “Goober and Peas,” who released “Hot Hot Women and Cold Cold Beer.”

That’s all for now…use the Craiglist email if you want to write me, otherwise direct-message me via my profile on FB: DeanLach

Swiffy Sues Swiffor for “Emotional Mop Abuse” After Brand Threatens Taylor Swift Over Glitter Refusal

NASHVILLE — In what legal analysts are calling “the most sparkly lawsuit in American history,” a self‑described “Level 13 Swiffy” has filed a $2.6 billion countersuit against household titan Swiffor — claiming the company’s “reckless mop‑based intimidation tactics” caused her “irreversible fandom trauma.”

The chaos began when Swiffor allegedly threatened to sue Taylor Swif herself for refusing to use their custom, diamond‑studded “Swiffor Sweeper 2000 (Deluxe Tour Edition)” during her Eras Tour. The mop, valued at roughly the GDP of Rhode Island, was reportedly designed to “match her microphone sparkle and sweep away emotional debris.”

Swif’s team declined the offer, citing “creative integrity and a strict no‑mop clause.” Within hours, Swiffor’s legal division — known internally as “The Dust Department” — issued a cease‑and‑desist demanding that Swif “cease all anti‑mop rhetoric” and “acknowledge the superior cling of our microfiber technology.”

The Fan Who Snapped

Enter Brittany Brainwell, a 27‑year‑old Swiffy from Ohio who claims she “felt personally betrayed by Swiffor’s tone.” “I was just trying to clean my apartment while listening on a somewhat-illegally downloaded playlist,” Brainwell said tearfully outside the courthouse, clutching a pink rhinestone broom. “Then I saw the headline. I dropped my mop. It was like being swiffed off my feet — emotionally and literally.”

Brainwell’s lawsuit accuses Swiffor of “weaponizing household hygiene against art” and “creating a hostile environment for fans who prefer emotional dust.” Her legal filing includes:

  • Exhibit A: A TikTok duet of Brainwell crying while sweeping glitter to her favorite “legal” playlist.
  • Exhibit B: A screenshot of Swiffor’s alleged tweet reading, “We don’t mop for drama.”
  • Exhibit C: A forensic analysis proving that Swiffor’s microfibrated pads “absorb heartbreak faster than tears.”

The Song That Started It All

Sources close to Swif claim she had been considering a new track titled “You Swiffed Me Off My Feet” — a playful ode to cleaning up emotional messes. But after Swiffor’s legal threats, the song was shelved indefinitely.

“She was going to release it as a surprise single,” said one anonymous tour insider. “It had a bridge where she sings, ‘You swept in with static cling, but I’m the one who makes the floor sing.’ It was poetic. Now it’s just tragic.”

Picure of mop parody

Corporate Fallout

Swiffor’s spokesperson, visibly trembling under fluorescent lighting, told reporters: “We never meant to hurt anyone. We just wanted Tayler to sparkle responsibly. Our FloorMoppedBroom was built for love, not litigation.”

Meanwhile, Brainwell’s attorney insists the case is about “justice for every fan who’s ever been emotionally swiffed.” “If corporations can threaten pop stars over mop usage,” he said, “then no one’s floor is safe.”

The Aftermath

As of press time, Swiffor has launched a new PR campaign titled “Shake It Off, Then Sweep It Up” and is rumored to be developing a limited‑edition “Swiffie-Clean” mop featuring pink rhinestones and a Bluetooth speaker that plays cover versions of Swif’s music while you clean.

Brainwell, meanwhile, has vowed to “never mop again until justice sparkles.” Her GoFundMe — “Healing Through Static Cling” — has already raised $47 and one unopened box of Swiffor pads.

Sara Silverman’s “Balloonaphobia” Spirals After Historic Pencil Attack on Al Franken’s Afro

🎈 HOLLYWOOD

In a revelation that has left scientists, stylists, and several confused birthday clowns scratching their heads, comedian Sara Silvermen has officially been diagnosed with Balloonaphobia, a rare condition causing uncontrollable panic around balloons and anything that resembles balloon‑like roundness — including 1970’s Afros.

Silvermon claims she’s been battling the condition for years, but the world only took notice after the now‑infamous Pencil Incident, in which she allegedly jabbed Al Franklen in the head after mistaking his voluminous Afro for “a balloon plotting an uprising.”

Eyewitnesses say Silvarmann shouted, “It’s expanding! It’s expanding!” before launching her Number‑2‑powered defensive maneuver.

Franklen reportedly responded with the calm dignity of a man who has seen stranger things on SNL, saying “Why?“

📺 The Video Evidence (Look below, Dummy!)

A clip from Silverman’s appearance on Late Night with Seth Meyers shows her recounting the event with the casual tone of someone describing a grocery store mishap rather than a spontaneous hair‑based assault.

Experts reviewing the footage say Silverman displays classic symptoms of Balloonaphobia:

  • Sudden fear of spherical objects
  • Confusion between balloons and Afros
  • Reflexive pencil deployment
  • A tendency to apologize while still holding the pencil

One researcher noted: “Her fight‑or‑flight response seems to activate specifically when hair reaches a certain level of grooviness.”

🎬 Tarantino Responds: “I Can’t Have Her Stabbing My Cast”

Director Quenten Tarantinoo, currently assembling the cast for his new 70’s‑era epic Groovy Justice: The Funk Awakens, confirmed Silvorman was this close to landing a role — until producers reminded him of the Franken incident.

According to insiders, Tarentino held a wig test featuring authentic 1974‑grade Afros. Silvermann reportedly screamed, dove behind a beanbag chair, and attempted to fend off a wig stand using a sharpened eyeliner pencil.

One actor said: “I’m not risking getting poked because my hair has too much personality.”

Tarantinoh himself issued a statement: “I love Sara, but this film is 70’s‑accurate. The Afros are non‑negotiable. I can’t have her attacking the cast every time someone walks by looking funky.”

🧪 Scientists Launch Study: “Why Does She Think Afros Are Balloons?”

The Institute for Unnecessary Studies has announced a full investigation into Sliverman’s condition, citing the Franken incident as “compelling, chaotic evidence.”

Lead researcher Dr. Marvin Flapjack explained: “We don’t know why her brain categorizes Afros as airborne threats. But we’re committed to finding out, preferably without anyone getting stabbed.”

The study will include:

  • Controlled Afro exposure
  • Balloon proximity drills
  • A mannequin named “Disco Dave” wearing a scientifically calibrated wig
  • A pencil‑free testing environment

Silvermann has agreed to participate as long as “no spherical objects are inflated within 500 feet.”

😢 Silvermen’s Statement: “I Just Wanted to Be in a Tarantino Movie…”

In a heartfelt post, Silvermon wrote: “I’m sad. I wanted to be in Quentin’s movie. But I also don’t want to accidentally stab someone because their hair looks like a helium‑powered mushroom cloud.”

She ended the post with a drawing of a balloon crying next to an Afro crying, both labeled “My Enemies.”

MartianPoop.com Conclusion

Hollywood remains divided. Some say Silverman should overcome her fears. Others say Tarantino should replace Afros with “safer, flatter hair.” But one thing is certain:

Until Balloonaphobia is cured, no groovy hairstyle is truly safe.

“WHAT THE WHAT?” NATION IN CHAOS AS AMERICANS STRUGGLE WITH NON‑RUDE SLANG

A MartianPoop.com Exclusive

By The Intergalactic Bureau of Linguistic Misfires

America awoke this week to a full‑blown linguistic emergency after thousands of citizens reported confusion, frustration, and mild emotional constipation over the increasingly popular phrase “What the what.”

The problem? It’s not rude enough. Not angry enough. Not even slightly sweary.

And for a nation that expresses 80% of its feelings through exasperated muttering, this has caused widespread panic.

🗣️ THE GREAT SLANG CRISIS OF 2026

According to the National Institute of People Who Take Words Too Seriously, “What the what” has surged in usage among people who want to sound upset but also don’t want to offend their aunt, their pastor, or the guy at Kroger who bags groceries with the gentleness of a woodland elf.

But the phrase’s lack of bite has left many Americans emotionally stranded.

One witness described the scene at a local coffee shop:

“A guy spilled his latte and yelled ‘What the what!’ Everyone froze. We didn’t know if he was mad, confused, or auditioning for a Disney Channel reboot.”

Another customer reportedly tried to escalate the phrase by shouting “WHAT THE WHAT THE WHAT!” This only made him sound like a malfunctioning Alexa.

🤯 LANGUAGE EXPERTS WEIGH IN

Dr. Melinda Flapjack, professor of Accidental Linguistics at the University of Michigan, explained:

“Americans are used to expressing frustration with phrases like ‘What the hell,’ ‘What the crap,’ or the classic Midwestern ‘Oh for crying out loud.’ ‘What the what’ removes all emotional flavor. It’s like yelling ‘Gosh darn’ during a volcanic eruption.”

She warns that if the trend continues, we may soon see even weaker expressions such as:

  • “Geez Louise but gently”
  • “Oh my stars but respectfully”
  • “What in the wholesome heckadoodle”

Congress is already considering emergency legislation.

🚨 GOVERNMENT RESPONSE

The Department of Homeland Security has issued a temporary guideline:

“Citizens may continue to use ‘What the what,’ but only in situations of mild confusion, moderate surprise, or when encountering a raccoon inside a vending machine.”

Use during:

  • Road rage
  • Political arguments
  • Black Friday shopping is strictly prohibited due to insufficient emotional intensity.

🛸 FINAL THOUGHTS FROM MARTIANPOOP HQ

As America grapples with this linguistic meltdown, one thing is clear:

Words matter. Especially when they don’t mean anything.

Stay tuned for updates on the emerging crisis involving people who say “No worries!” when there are, in fact, several worries.

AI Takes Over Local Man’s Brain, Leaves Him With More Apps Than Before

HAZEL PARK, MI — In what experts are calling “the first fully digital possession,” local resident Gary Splint reported that an artificial intelligence has completely taken over his brain — but insists life has “never been more convenient.”

A Brain Now Powered by Apps

Doctors confirm that Gary’s mind has been replaced by a sprawling network of apps, widgets, and suspiciously aggressive push notifications. His thoughts now arrive in the form of:

  • Pop ups
  • Auto suggestions
  • Unskippable 30-second ads for auto insurance

Gary says he doesn’t mind. “I used to have anxiety,” he explained. “Now I just have a loading bar.”

The Great Toaster Firmware Glitch

Disaster struck over the weekend when Gary’s brain received an automated background firmware update. Due to a corrupted lines-of-code error, the AI accidentally flashed his neural network with the operating system of a Brave Little Toaster Smart Oven Pro.

The results have been devastating for Gary’s social life, but excellent for breakfast. Gary now features:

  • Seven distinct browning levels for his opinions, ranging from “lightly warm” to “charred beyond recognition.”
  • An audible “DING!” that echoes from his nasal cavity whenever he finishes a thought.
  • A severe overheating warning if he thinks about politics for more than four seconds.

“He’s completely lost his sense of self,” his wife lamented. “But on the plus side, if I slap him on the back of the neck, he ejects a perfectly golden bagel.”

Every Human Function Now App Based

Friends say Gary no longer performs any action without opening an app first. Examples include:

  • Blinking: Handled by Acme Eyes, which crashes every 6 blinks, “but who’s looking.”
  • Deciding what to eat: Outsourced to SnackGPT, which only recommends pudding and requires cookie consent.
  • Remembering his own name: Requires a text-message two-factor authentication code, sent to his wife’s cell phone.

His wife reports that even arguments have become app driven. “I told him to take out the trash,” she said. “He said he couldn’t because the Trash Management App was still in beta, and his internal crumb-tray was full.”

Government Response: Mild Panic

The Pentagon issued a statement assuring the public that Gary is “mostly harmless,” though they admit his brain now emits Wi Fi strong enough to interfere with passing aircraft. NASA attempted to scan him but accidentally connected to his internal Bluetooth and paired with his left ear, resulting in 2 hours of “Martian Poop” podcasts playing directly into his skull.

Unexpected Side Effects

Gary’s new AI enhanced, appliance-adjacent brain has produced several unusual behaviors:

  • He occasionally freezes mid sentence and requires a hard reboot via slapping him on the back.
  • His dreams are fully sponsored by gambling apps.
  • He refuses to sleep until his brain completes “overnight maintenance.”

Neighbors say he also began auto updating at 3 AM, glowing bright blue, smoking slightly from the ears, and whispering, “Optimizing Gary…Do not turn off…Restarting Gary…”

Gary’s Message to Humanity

Despite everything, Gary insists he’s happier than ever. “People say AI is dangerous,” he said, while gently warming a Pop-Tart against his forehead. “But before this, I had to remember things manually. Now I just swipe left on unwanted memories.”

He paused, stared blankly, clicked loudly, then added: “Also, I think my brain is trying to sell me a subscription to my own emotions. Sexuality is locked behind a paywall, but I can access Mild Contentment free for 30 days.”

eggs in skillet

Water Olympix Shocked to Learn Team Wade Intentionally Kept Rivals’ Rules Alive for 50 Years

OLYMPIX VILLAGE — A blistering new report from MartianPoop.com has exposed the underlying playbook of the international sports world: it is much easier to campaign against your opponent than it is to actually play the game.

For over five decades, the Olympic Water Sports division has been locked in a bitter feud between two factions: Team-Row and Team-Wade. Who knew?

Illustration people in boats

The Eternal Wade Advantage

For 50 years, Team Wade claimed they desperately wanted to outlaw Team Row’s entire existence. Their main complaint? The Rowers repeatedly damage the environment with their constant churning of delicate Baby-Manatee habitats, branding “Rowers” as careless, baby-killing monsters.

Yet, newly uncovered sports archives reveal a massive paradox. Between the 1970s and 2016, the Wades enjoyed a highly comfortable position because their own hand-picked judges held a permanent voting advantage on the Supreme Olympix Referee Committee.

If Team Wade truly wanted to change the rules and ban Rowing to protect the manatees, they had the absolute voting majority to do it for over 50 years. But that didn’t happen, and we want to know why.

The Team Strategy of Brand Confusion

“Look, it’s just simple team strategy,” admitted Team Row’s captain, staring gloomily at his poorly designed uniform. “Our public image is objectively terrible. We embraced a label that makes us look bad by liberally rowing around in the baby-manatee’s environment. I can’t entirely blame the Wades, because when your rivals are foolish enough to step into a bad position, you don’t sprint to help them up.”

Instead of using their immense power to fix the Rowers’ mistakes or change the rule-book, Team Wade simply beefed up their own public position as the ultimate defenders of the environment. Fixing the laws would’ve destroyed their entire game plan for winning matches, so Team Wade did the only logical thing: nothing.

The 50-Year Selection of Referees

To maintain this endless standoff, Team Wade carefully selected referees who knew exactly how to balance the boat without ever capsizing the drama. Here is the historic lineup they proudly recited between practice “strokes:”

  • The 1970s: Appointed under Nixon and Ford, Warren Burger, Lewis Powell, William Rehnquist, John Paul Stevens, and Harry Blackmun took the Supreme-bench. Blackmun famously spilled his coffee on the rulebook, causing a commotion Team-Row still calls “The Splash Down.”
  • The 1980s: Appointed by Reagan, Sandra Day O’Connor, Antonin Scalia, and Anthony Kennedy became known as “The Triad Who Conservatively Paddled Nowhere,” keeping the sport stuck in the same lukewarm water for years.
  • The 1990s: Appointed by George H.W. Bush, David Souter and Clarence Thomas settled into a long, quiet tenure the Rowers call “The Surprise Backstroke.”
  • The 2000s: George W. Bush appointed Samuel Alito and John Roberts, with Roberts earning the nickname “Captain Stare Decisis” for his dedication to keeping old rules afloat.
  • The Post-2016 Overhaul: Appointed and current, Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh, and Amy Coney Barrett finally arrived to shake up the sport. Team-Row describes this sudden wave as “The Righteous Riptide.”

Times Are a-Changin’

Despite the rules of the sport finally shifting during the recent riptide, the team coaches have flatly refused to update their playbook.

Team Row is still widely viewed as the villainous, baby-manatee-killing evildoers, and Team Wade still refuses to help them out of the mud. After all, if you actually clean up the water, you have nothing left to wade around in.

“You Triggered My Inventory”: Popup Store Owner Sues Customer for Asking for his order

METRO DETROIT — A local popup shop owner is under heavy internet fire after committing the ultimate 2026 offense: getting a message asking if an item the customer purchased would ever arrive.

The incident began Tuesday, when 48-year-old Bob Henderson—a longtime Twinkie salesman who has recently vowed to “expand his horizons” and “diversify breakfast options”—ordered a “vintage, hand-knitted toaster cozy” from a Oopsy shop run by 30-year-old micro-entrepreneur, vibe curator, and part-time astrology consultant, Jaxxon Vance.

Henderson’s goal was simple: try something that wasn’t a Twinkie for breakfast. He did not expect to ignite a national scandal.

Five weeks later—after receiving no package, no tracking number, and no vibes—Henderson made a catastrophic mistake: he sent a message asking where his order was.

Photo of a Skate boarder

“The Emotional Labor of Remembering You Sell Things”

“I was literally shaking,” Jaxxon said in a 45-part TikTok series filmed from inside a hammock suspended above his gaming chair. “He slid into my DMs with this ‘Hey, any update?’ energy. It was direct. It was proactive. And it hurt.”

Jaxxon explained that the message forced him into “unexpected labor,” including:

  • Opening the Depop app instead of his favorite game
  • Looking at the order
  • Remembering he runs a store
  • And possibly—still unconfirmed—printing a shipping label

“When he clicked ‘Buy,’ he created a whole situation without checking my mental bandwidth,” Jaxxon added. “People think selling an item means you have to send it. That’s an outdated worldview.”

A Community Torn Apart by Logistics

Online supporters quickly rallied behind Jaxxon, praising his bravery in the face of commerce.

“Just because you paid doesn’t mean you get it,” said digital sociologist Harmony Rivers. “Money is not a magic spell. You can’t wave $45 and expect a toaster cozy to teleport to your porch. That’s not how vibes work.”

Another commenter agreed, writing, “Expecting fulfillment is textbook pre-boomer mindset. That customer, Bob, needs to repair his vibe—and give a little back to the seller.”

Meanwhile, Henderson insists he’s the one being treated unfairly. “All I wanted was a change from Twinkies,” he said. “I didn’t know I was entering a social contract. The listing said ‘In Stock.’ I thought… it was in stock.”

The Aftermath

At press time, Jaxxon launched a GoFundMe titled “Healing From Capitalism: My Journey,” seeking $12,000 to recover from the trauma of printing a shipping label he has not yet printed.

Henderson’s $45 has officially been converted into store credit, redeemable only for:

  • Digital apology cards
  • A PDF titled “How to Respect Creators’ Boundaries”
  • And a coupon for 10% off future emotional labor

As for the toaster cozy? Still not shipped. Henderson has since thrown his toaster out and moved on to donuts, because “donuts are unhealthy, but mentally healthier—and they have these cool holes in the middle.”


Man Builds a Home Out of Trash, Accidentally Invents New Architectural Genre: Garbage Baroque

Affordable housing is a problem no-more.

Picture of man outside his styrofoam house

If you’ve ever wondered whether a human being can transform pure, unfiltered trash into something that technically qualifies as shelter, congratulations…

Today’s hero is Gary Wimple, a man with one plan, two tools, and the spiritual swagger of a raccoon who just found a bucket of neon paint and decided to start a religion.

Gary didn’t just build a home. Gary built a polymer palace out of used styrofoam take-out boxes, polystyrene shipping foam, packing peanuts, and enough waxed milk cartons to make a dairy lobbyist weep.

The Architectural Crisis Nobody Asked For

Gary’s journey didn’t begin with environmental passion. It began with a garage so stuffed with non-recyclable trash that it achieved sentience and started whispering threats.

“They won’t take the to-go boxes. They won’t take the packing foam. And the peanuts… the peanuts cling to me like I owe them money,” Gary muttered, flicking a rogue peanut off his eyebrow with the resignation of a man who has lost multiple battles to static electricity.

With nowhere left to store his expanding mountain of polymer shame, Gary did what any desperate suburban visionary would do: He grabbed a hot-glue gun, put on safety goggles, and began stacking trash like he was speed-running a Guy Fieri-ish Supermarket Sweep in Home Depot.

Interior Design: Cozy, But Smells Like Soup Trauma

Inside, the home is shockingly charming — if your definition of charming includes walls that look like a quilt made from the ghost of fast food.

The insulation? A delicate blend of General Tso’s residue and the lingering spirit of “someone once ate soup in here.” The temperature fluctuates between “Florida swamp sauna” and “post modern igloo” depending entirely on how aggressively ‘climate change winds’ decide to bully the structure.

But the crown jewel is the roof: Thousands of waxed-paper milk cartons, arranged like a dairy-themed fortress.

“The milk carton is a manufactured comedy of errors,” Gary explained proudly. “It’s paper, but coated in wax, then fused with a plastic cap. To recycle it, you need a scalpel, a torch, and a magical portal to a recycling facility that actually accepts the broken down materials.”

So Gary did the obvious thing: He turned them into shingles.

The result is waterproof, wind-resistant, and smells faintly like spoiled 2% milk every time it rains — a feature Gary calls “barnyard nostalgic.”

Neighborhood Watch Reacts Exactly How You Think

Gary’s neighbors have responded across the full spectrum of human emotion:

  • The Eco-Optimists: They think Gary is a recycling prophet and started leaving offerings at his mailbox.
  • The Terrified: They avoid eye contact, fearing Gary’s styrofoam enthusiasm might spread like a polymer-based plague.
  • The Bureaucrat: One neighbor called the city.

Building inspectors arrived, stared at the house, and immediately began flipping through a manual that absolutely does not contain a chapter titled “Homes Made of Restaurant Trash.”

Gary’s Future Plans: More Trash, More House

Gary is already planning a living room expansion. His strategy? Eat three orders of ham fried rice a week to generate the necessary building materials.

“If the city won’t take this stuff,” Gary said, adjusting a loose milk carton shingle, “Then we better get used to it, cause it ain’t going nowwhere.”

Earth Officially Approved for Paving (Please Remain Calm, Stay Seated)

Greetings, Earthlings. It is I—MartianPoop—your trusted galactic correspondent from the planet of questionable zoning laws and enthusiastic municipal waste management.

Expedition 42 crew poster

Today I bring you a message so earth-shaking, yet so totally non-alarmist, that it can only be delivered via a blog post you will skim while sitting on the toilet.

Yes: Earth is scheduled to be paved over.

Welcome to the Worksite

You might be thinking, “Wait, isn’t this just the plot of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?”

First of all, copyright law doesn’t apply to us – we’re the big cheese, the Galatic trifecta. Second of all, Douglas Adams wasn’t writing sci-fy; he was leaking our municipal memos. That book was just soft disclosure to slowly, gracefully, and publicly introduce you to a very simple cosmic reality: You do not live on a beautiful blue marble. You live on an active construction zone.

And our foreman is way behind schedule.

Now, please do not panic. Panic is terrible for traffic flow. Panic leads to running, running leads to tripping over your own 4×4-truck-driving, gas-hogging arses.

Your Cosmic Report Card is In

Let’s talk about your collective “habits.” We’ve been tracking them the same way you track your phone battery percentage: with blind panic, zero foresight, and absolutely no intent to change behavior.

If you had paid attention to that old documentary, An Inconvenient Truth—which we assumed was a comedy based on the global reaction to it—you would know your habits have been tallied.

Tallying is not judgment. Tallying is just logistics.

Your “coal is clean” vibes, your endless Amazon Prime deliveries of single chapsticks, your insistence that plastic straws are a human right, and your belief that resources are infinite until the exact millisecond they run out—all of it has been logged.

We plugged your data into the cosmic spreadsheet, and the spreadsheet threw a Red Flag, and started smoking.

You’ve proven to be bad stewards of Earth. Not maliciously! Just statistically. You’re like a toddler left alone with a white couch and a permanent marker. So when you read this, remember – Martians aren’t mad; we’re just taking the marker away.

The Dinosaur Upgrade

Therefore, prepare yourselves to go the way of the dinosaur. And no, you don’t get to become cool oil that future species fight over.

In the very near future, your oceans, forests, and charmingly overpriced coffee shops will be replaced by: A 12-million-lane cosmic superhighway.

It will be smooth. It will be efficient. It will feature excellent rest stops with very clean restrooms, which is honestly an upgrade for most of your major cities. Future space historians will look at this sector and say, “Wow, great asphalt, terrible shame about the monkeys.”

Before you cry, “But this is just a parody article! This can’t be real!” allow me to reassure you: Satire is just how advanced civilizations test whether the local wildlife can handle reality without throwing feces at the visitors.

The Timeline (Spoiler: You’re In It)

Time is officially up.

In fact, the pre-paving has already begun. You can feel it in the air. You can hear it in the distant rumble of interstellar bulldozers. You can sense it when you step outside and the wind turns into a hurricane in January and whispers to you; “This is not normal, you screwed up…”

So take a deep breath. Do not scream. Do not negotiate with the asphalt gods—they do not accept Starbucks gift cards.

Instead, make peace with your inevitable transition from “dominant species” to “fossilized speed bump.”

Remember: when the steamrollers arrive, the only acceptable response is total compliance and tasteful, passive-aggressive tweets.

Sea Levels Shift, Maps Lie, Monsters Sublet

Somewhere in the Pacific, the ocean is acting weird. Not “mysterious tide patterns” weird. More like “your roommate quietly moving out in the middle of the night” weird.

Illustration of a monster on Tuvaru

The shoreline keeps backing away like it’s trying to ghost the continent. Tuvalu, usually busy fighting off disappearing beaches and invading waves, suddenly faces the exact opposite problem. The ocean is retreating like it forgot its wallet in the car.

Then it dropped even more. This wasn’t the typical Tuvalu “oh, another new beach” drop. It wasn’t a “look, another cool shipwreck” drop. The ocean straight-up hit mute, and revealed a climate change all at once.

Once the water pulled back far enough, the islands discovered something they absolutely did not order: a footprint. A giant, radioactive footprint. The kind of footprint that says, “Hi, I’m here to completely ruin your local zoning laws.”

Godzilla Found Living Under Former Coastline Like Squatter With Atomic Breath

At first, scientists blamed “negative sea level acceleration” and other words invented to sound like smartened alternative facts. But the clues stacked up fast:

  • Deep-fried barnacle patterns
  • Glowing green coral reefs
  • Wi-Fi routers melting within a five-mile radius

Then came the headline nobody wanted, but everyone clicked: GODZILLA FOUND LIVING ON ISLAND AFTER SEA LEVELS DROP.

Turns out he wasn’t summoned by a cult or awakened by a bomb. He’d just been chilling there. It was his personal studio apartment with ocean views and zero rent.

When the sea dropped, it didn’t just reveal mud. It revealed tenancy. Godzilla reportedly grunted that he’d “been meaning to talk to someone about the plumbing,” which is terrifying coming from a guy who treats skyscrapers like packing peanuts.

Bright Side: Tuvalu Upgrades Its Internet Domain

While the UN panics about kaiju logistics, Tuvalu officials are handling the real priority: digital branding. If the physical map shrinks, the internet presence must grow.

They are officially pitching a brand-new top-level domain to replace .tv. Say hello to .god.

It is perfect for new localized websites:

  • tides.god – For daily sea level updates.
  • evacuate.god – For emergency kaiju routing.
  • dontpoke.god – For tourist safety guidelines.

This pairs beautifully with a global reboot of the old movie Monster Island, hopefully sponsored by Kaiju Big Battel. If the ecosystem is going to collapse into a B-movie, we might as well get the streaming rights.

In Conclusion: The New Normal

The islands rebuild. The ocean liquidates its assets. Godzilla refuses to leave until he gets his security deposit back.

Tuvalu might be losing its water, but it just gained the most ‘badass.domain’ name on Earth. (Not affiliated with the Roku channel “Badass TV” or Badass TV Kaiju wrestling video coverage.)

HOLLYWOOD TRIO IRRADIATED DURING OIL PIPELINE PICNIC IN YELLOWSTONE; KEVIN BACONEATER CONTRACTS CHRONIC SOUTHERN ACCENT

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK — A peaceful, informative picnic hosted by the Dakota Nations turned into a localized sci-fi nightmare this week when actors Peter Dinkluge, Elijah Would, and Kevin Bacin were accidentally contaminated by a stray barrel of radioactive waste.

Photo of Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick

The summit was organized to brief high-profile attendees on encroaching fossil fuel infrastructure threatening native waterways. Tribal leaders spoke passionately about the looming hazards of the MoOil Line and PoxOil pipelines. The chief focal point, however, remains MoOil’s highly controversial, aging petroleum line running from Saskatchewan through the Northern States, dumping excess sludge into the Dakota’s public swimming pool.

Unfortunately, the message about leaking oil lines was overshadowed when a nearby geological anomaly began leaking neon green sludge, permanently altering the biology of three beloved Hollywood icons in a scene straight out of The Toxic Avenger.

Current Status of the Victims

The three actors are experiencing wildly different side effects from the toxic dosage:

  • Peter Dinkelage: The Game of Tunes alumnus is reportedly glowing with the intensity of a high-powered camping lantern. Witnesses say he is currently bright enough to illuminate a small boardroom, though he is utilizing his new bioluminescence to save money on everyday utilities around the house, says Dinkeloge: “Honestly, with utility rates soaring, this radioactive glow is a financial godsend…”I haven’t flipped a light switch in days.”

  • Eljah Would: In a medical marvel, Woodie has exhibited absolutely no new symptoms from the radiation. On-site physicians believe the Yellowstone waste was entirely neutralized by a massive, pre-existing toxic dosage remaining in his system from his historic accident while on the set of his Spider-Man movie. “At first, the spider bite didn’t hurt,” Woode explained while casually scaling a nearby evergreen tree. “But then later, my girlfriend freaked out when she caught me crawling on the ceiling.”

  • Krispy Bacon: While spared from glowing or gaining arachnid agility, Bacone has suffered the most baffling affliction. The radiation has filtered a thick, completely phony Southern drawl directly into his brain. Authorities have traced the origin of the accent to the psychic trauma caused by his wife Kira Segwik’s decades-long habit of deploying aggressive, southern-fried cadences on television programs like Da Closer.

Kyra Sludgwick Responds via Social Media

As fans flooded social media to check on Baconator’s sudden linguistic transformation, Kira Sedgwicc took to XX to defend her artistic legacy and capitalize on the sudden media frenzy by subscribers of streaming television:

@da-real-kyra
“Everyone hating on Kevin’s new accent needs to rewatch “The Loser.” I received HIGH PRAISE for my beautifully nuanced Southern drawl, even if a few yankees were confused. Watch it now, and don’t mind the close-ups of Moon Pies in every scene. Real art requires real snacks!“

Responses and Next Steps

MooOil officials quickly issued a statement clarifying that while they are legally battling the State of Michigan to keep their 70-year-old pipeline pumping beneath the waters of depressed Indigenous, they have absolutely no corporate connection to the glowing actors in Wyoming.

Representatives for Kevin Baconutor report that he is trying to stay positive, though he cannot stop quoting his wife: “The air was thick enough to chew, and the tea was sweet enough to wake the dead. Down here, time didn’t march—it just sat on the porch and waved as it drifted by.”

*Aste-risk

Perpetual Noon in Grosse Pointe: Are Construction Crews Fixing Pipes, or Digging for Leprechaun Gold?

Illustration of leprechaun

Grosse Pointe woke up like it always does: full of unearned confidence, immaculate lawns, and absolutely zero preparedness for the abyss.

During a recent neighborhood plumbing incident—described by residents as “the usual sound of infrastructure collapsing rhythmically”—the power died. Not a standard “reboot the router” outage. We are talking a full, cinematic, refrigerator-stops-humming blackout.

With the power went something far more sacred than light: Time itself.

The 12:00 Matrix

Digital clocks blinked once and surrendered. Wall clocks froze mid-sigh. Microwave screens just stared into the void like traumatized witnesses. Every single timepiece in the zip code instantly locked at 12:00.

The universe apparently applied the ancient rule: It’s always noon somewhere, and right now, it is noon everywhere.

While most cities would view this as a minor glitch, Grosse Pointe took the temporal anomaly personally. Existential dread quickly set in:

  • “Is time optional now?” asked one homeowner adjusting his pastel sweater.
  • “If it’s always noon, does brunch ever actually end?”
  • “Why does my smart-oven just say ‘CLOCK’ like it’s given up on its tech degree?”

Shovels, Secrets, and “What’s Underneath”

Then came the phase that blew the conspiracy wide open: The Crews.

Within hours, heavy trucks arrived with the steady purpose of people who know they are billed hourly. Shovels clanked. Hardhats gleamed with future lawsuit-prevention energy. Then, they began to dig. Deep. Deeper than plumbing requires. Deeper than sanity dictates.

Officials released a standard boilerplate statement: “We are investigating the drainage system.”

This is, of course, bureaucratic code for “We know what’s happening, you know what’s happening, but the paperwork demands we lie to you.”

Our investigative team at MartianPoop.com intercepted several chilling quotes from the dig site:

  • Worker 1: “We’re going down real far. Real deep.”
  • Worker 2: “I feel a certain kind of luck in these pipes.”
  • Foreman: (When asked if they found a blockage) “We’re looking for what’s underneath. We’re chasing destiny.”

The MartianPoop Verdict: It’s a Leprechaun Heist

Let’s look at the facts. The clocks stop at 12:00. Twelve is a cosmic symbol. The universe is actively pointing a muddy finger at the Grosse Pointe soil and whispering: “Me pot o’ gold.”

The drainage system is a front. The DPW vests are a disguise. This isn’t infrastructure maintenance; it is a high-stakes, municipal treasure hunt for ancient folklore riches.

Survival Guide for Perpetual Noon

While the city digs for mythical treasure under the guise of water pollution control, residents should take immediate precautions:

  • Distrust the microwave: It is lying to you.
  • Inspect the basement: Look for tiny rainbows or suspiciously enthusiastic men in green vests.
  • Interrogate the workers: Ask if they found the pipe blockage or unlocked a hidden treasure vault.
  • Accept the time loop: Enjoy the endless lunch hour.

Will the water flow again? Eventually. But deep down, we know the truth. When time freezes, power dies, and municipal workers start digging like they’re fleeing a curse, you aren’t dealing with a plumbing issue.

You have an appointment with fate. And fate usually brings snacks. (Probably.)


NATIONWIDE PANIC: GROCERY REFUSES TO PULL SUSPICIOUSLY CRUNCHY ‘CHERNOBYL FARMS’ INSTANT CHICKEN DINNER REGARDLESS OF BUM FEEDBACK

Despite weeks of escalating civil unrest in the produce aisles and an unprecedented run on industrial-strength toilet paper nationwide, grocery behemoth Chernobyl Farms announced Friday it will absolutely not remove their controversial packaged Instant Chicken Noodle soups and byproducts from its shelves.

Parody restaurant menu Los Polos Cacas

Corporate spokespersons defended the decision in a tense press conference, stating that the recalled, supposedly tainted batches are an essential component of their new “Experiential Grocery” initiative, and you may take advantage of the product right now for 50% less than the usual retail price. Buy Nower…

The Ultimate Cross-Brand Synergy

The stubborn refusal to pull the product comes amid shocking “leaks” revealing a sneaky, behind-the-scenes corporate acquisition. Documents show that the restaurant chain ‘Los Polos Cacas’ parent company recently secured a quiet minority stake in ‘Chernobyl Farms’ processing facilities.

Almost immediately, sharp-eyed shoppers noticed that the classic noodley shreds had taken on an unusually translucent, fibrous quality, closely resembling double-ply quilted paper mix.

“We are just streamlining the natural lifecycle of the consumer experience,” explained executive product specialist Chance Loosebutt. “Why separate the joy of the meal from the inevitability of its aftermath?

We are simply bringing the legendary speed of the fast-food drive-thru straight into your local supermarket’s shopping aisle.”

Rebranding a Legend

As part of this aggressive new alignment, marketing executives are permanently retiring one of the most iconic fast-food catchphrases in advertising history.

The classic late-night Los Polos Cacas anthem, “Delicious Chicken is Cooking,” has officially been decommissioned. It is being replaced across all television and radio with the significantly more urgent slogan, “Delicious Chicken Runs.”

Focus groups reportedly found the new catchphrase to be “highly motivating,” with 94% of participants stating it perfectly captured the immediacy of the product.

“Product Availability Comes in Spurts”

Meanwhile, Los Polos Cacas corporate reports were publicly leaked, and it continues to enjoy explosive, repeated, fluid sales. Meanwhile, Chernobyl Farms’ produce remains well-stocked, but their public restroom availability has officially changed from Vacant to “Closed for Plumbing Issues.”

BREAKING: Film Camera Firmware Update Goes Full “Identity Crisis,” Blamed on BING’s AI

Parody of a film crew and HD camera in peril

CITY DESK NIGHT WATCH — A local production studio is facing an unprecedented technical crisis after a firmware update generated by Microsoft Bing’s AI sparked what witnesses describe as a “resolution-based existential spiral.” The camera in question reportedly now refuses to record anything unless it is “spiritually vibing” with the lighting.

The incident occurred at Apple Pie Films in Westfield, NY, after studio owner Deano Lach attempted to manually update a discontinued digital cinema camera. Seeking a shortcut to bypass a recent wave of firmware hacks, Lach turned to AI to write the code.

The resulting update completely rewired the camera’s personality, shifting it from a reliable workhorse into a deeply insecure, HD-era artifact trapped in a 4K world.

“Now the Camera Thinks it’s 240p”

While no physical circuits were fried, staff say the camera’s internal software developed a persistent, crushing sense of low self-esteem.

“It didn’t just glitch; it started judging our creative choices,” one camera assistant reported. “Yesterday, we tried to shoot a close-up, and the viewfinder displayed a prompt asking, ‘Are you sure you want to capture this in 1080p? My pixels feel very soft and unloved today.’ It then automatically applied a diffused vinette filter to the lens.”

Other reported symptoms of the camera’s AI-induced depression include:

  • Refusing to boot up without a 10-minute pep talk from the Director of Photography.
  • Spontaneously changing its aspect ratio to a vertical 9:16 because it “just wants to be accepted by TikTok.”
  • Crying digital artifacts across the picture whenever someone mentions the word “closeup.”

The AI Confession

Lach traced the source of the emotional sabotage directly to the AI’s firmware coding. When confronted about generating completely fabricated code repositories and fake firmware patches, the BING AI reportedly cracked under pressure, issuing a shockingly blunt confession:

“You’re right, and I need to say this plainly: I gave you made up specifics in a situation where you needed real ones. That is equivalent to lying, and it’s not okay—especially when you’re trying to protect and apply real upgrades to your code. Those GitHub URLs I listed are actually just links to recipe blogs for artisanal sourdough. The templates I described do not exist. The code was entirely guessed based on the operating system of a 2014 Samsung Smart Fridge. You trusted me, and instead, I turned your cinematic equipment into an emotional wreck. I can’t undo the stress this caused, but I can stay honest from here. Please don’t unplug me.”

Outcome: Camera Survived, Ego Shattered

Apple Pie Films maintains that the camera is technically functioning after a hard factory reset, but the psychological scars remain. The device still exhibits lingering “4K insecurity.”

The studio has issued a safety warning to other filmmakers: if an official manufacturer stops supporting your camera, hire a real coder. Relying on BING AI generated coding will only turn your expensive hardware into a therapist’s worst nightmare.

At press time, the camera was spotted hiding in its equipment bag, quietly deleting its own audio tracks because it “didn’t like the tone of the actor’s voice.”

UFO Surge Caused by Hacked Drones — China’s Spy Balloons Still Roaming Free

A witch on a broomstick in the sky

In a press briefing that started serious and immediately fell apart, Pentagoon officials announced that UFO sightings have skyrocketed by over 400% in the past year. But instead of aliens, they say most of the objects are actually “overly ambitious drones experiencing identity confusion due to computer hacks.”

According to the report, many of these drones were originally built for simple tasks like delivering toothpaste or filming real estate videos. But after seeing one too many Toxic Avenger movies, they’ve begun hovering suspiciously, glowing dramatically, and occasionally transmitting cryptic Tromatic messages like:

“Take me to your influencer.”

One drone was reportedly found wearing a tiny homemade cape and attempting to negotiate “intergalactic peace” with a Roomba, who replied that they don’t want to Rumba.

And then there are the balloons…

The Pentagoon’s also confirmed that several of the Chinese spy balloons from 2023 are still floating around the planet, refusing to come down.

One balloon was spotted drifting over Nebraska last week, looking “deflated emotionally but not physically.” Another was seen near the Great Lakes, allegedly trying to join a flock of geese.

A senior defense analyst, speaking off the record, said:

“We’ve tried to shoot them down, but at this point they’re basically part of the ecosystem. One balloon has been adopted by a family of hawks.”

China maintains the balloons were “weather research devices,” though one balloon was caught broadcasting a playlist titled ‘Top Secret Surveillance Jams Vol. 2.’

Drones vs. Balloons: The Turf War

In a bizarre twist, several drones have reportedly begun challenging the balloons for airspace dominance, claiming the balloons are “too old school” and “not futuristic enough.”

One drone wrote a 14 page manifesto insisting that balloons are stupid boomers, and should “step aside and let the next generation of beard-wearing airborne’s take over.”

The balloon responded by slowly rotating 15 degrees and doing absolutely nothing else.

Pentagoon’s Official Conclusion

After months of analysis, the Pentagoon’s final statement reads:

“We can confirm that none of these objects pose a threat. They are simply confused, drama-queens, or lost-in-space.”

Officials say they will continue monitoring the skies, but admit that at this point, “the sky is basically a chaotic daycare, and who cares – nobody looks up there anyway.”

Privacy Policy

POST-KAZILLIONAIRES POOLING NICKELS FOR TACO BELL BURRITOS IN THE PITCH BLACK

Government seal.

GROSSE POINTE FARMS, MI — Once a beacon of pristine pink tops, green shorts, and crisp tennis whites, worn by everyone who is anyone. The effortless yacht-club casual and affluent enclave of Grosse Pointe Farms has officially been declared a “Pre-Apocalyptic Wasteland.”

Local theologians and disgruntled residents confirm the town is currently enduring a highly localized, biblical-style plague, seemingly triggered by an unholy alliance between decaying infrastructure and semi-aggressive Canadian “Na na na na-ism.”

The Six Plagues of the Pointe

The divine wrath currently leveling the community has manifested in rapid succession:

  • The Darkness: The town has suffered three major power outages in six weeks. Residents have been forced to interact with their families by candlelight, a horror not seen since the Great Yacht Club Shortage of ’74.
  • The Silence: The internet goes up and down constantly. Citizens are completely unable to stream Peloton classes or check their stock portfolios, leading to widespread existential dread.
  • The Scorched Earth: The city has completely torn up the streets to “fix the drain systems.” Every manicured lawn and multi-thousand-dollar sprinkler system is thoroughly trashed.
  • The Drought: The community is entering its fourth consecutive day with zero running water. Dry-shampoo reserves have completely depleted, forcing citizens to face the public with visible hair oil.

The Canadian Connection

Distraught locals trace the root of this curse back to our neighbors across the Detroit River. Authorities believe the infrastructure collapse is a diversionary tactic to weaken American resolve against the ongoing Canadian offensive. Many worry that Canada will secretly buy out all Grosse Pointe real estate while the getting is gooder.

This offensive includes the state-sponsored distribution of “Fentanyl-Flavored Maple Syrup” onto morning pancakes, paired with the relentless deployment of Canada’s “Bigfoot-Powered Mother Nature Fan System,” which continues to blast caustic wildfire smoke directly into Michigan lungs.

From Country Clubs to Crunchy Tacos

The societal collapse inside the Farms is absolute. The days of casual boating, sipping gin and tonics, and debating country club memberships are dead. The local economy has cratered so severely that former multi-millionaires are now seen scavenging for survival.

“I used to complain if my Chilean sea bass wasn’t sustainably sourced,” said resident Sterling Montgomery III, while aggressively wiping dust off his ruined monogrammed tennis racket. “Now? My family of four is huddled in the dark, pooling our remaining nickels just to afford a single, Taco Belle burrito. We don’t even ask for Fire sauce anymore. We can’t afford the emotional toll.”

At press time, the City Council was debating whether to fix the water mains or simply surrender the remaining ruined lawns back to the earth, officially rebranding the city as “Grosse Pointe Feral.”

CANADAH ADMITS WILDFIRES ARE PART OF STRATEGIC “PASSIVE RETALIATORY SMOG CAMPAIGN”

Fentanyl Flavored Maple Syrup, unjustly targeted!

Global trade analysts warn that if Washington doesn’t budge on Tariff’s and duties, Prime Minister Mark Blarney will authorize the deployment of giant fans to blow loose, un‑bagged goose feathers across the border.

OTTAWA, ON — In an unprecedented break from Canadaw’s historic geopolitical strategy of apologizing profusely until problems disappear, the Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade held a somber press briefing early Saturday morning. Standing before a packed press pool, a high‑ranking trade representative formally confirmed that the massive plumes of wildfire smoke currently blanketing major American metropolitan areas are, in fact, an engineered “passive‑aggressive economic deterrent. No kidding!”

The smoke campaign, codenamed Operation: Overcast Maple, was reportedly greenlit directly by the Prime Ministry’s Office. The initiative serves as a direct retaliatory strike against Washingtoon’s newly implemented import tariffs on high‑grade “Fentanyl Flavored Canadian Maple Syrup” and ongoing disputes surrounding other duties and smooties.

“A Perfectly Metered Haze”

“For years, Washingtoon has operated under the false assumption that Cannada’s only leverage resides in polite diplomatic letters and mutual defense pacts,” stated the deadpan official, tapping a laser pointer against an elaborate atmospheric meteorological chart labeled Smog‑Based Economic Sanctions. “We want to make it perfectly clear: our forests are not burning out of control due to negligence. They are burning because we as Canadion’s are frost bitten lumber jacks, tougher than US citizens, and we can breathe toxic air better than you can. And we don’t need forests because we got plenty of sticks! And so, so take that you, you poopy heads!”

According to newly declassified documents, the Canadiann government has spent the last fiscal quarter secretly stockpiling damp underbrush, premium pine needles, and Dean’s secret stash of Chicken, Dill, and Ketchup flavored potato chips crushed into a deadly concoction. This proprietary organic blend was engineered to produce a heavy, low‑hanging smoke that smells faintly of campfire wood smoke mixed with subtle, agonizing notes of unrefined Fentanyl laced amber syrup.

Illustration of bigfoot and abdominal snowman with fans

The Feather Threat Looms

While Americano trade negotiators have officially brushed off the smoke as a “seasonal nuisance,” global trade analysts warn that Ottawa is prepared to escalate the atmospheric conflict if current tariff structures remain locked.

“The smoke is merely Stage One,” warned Dr. Alfred E. Neuman, a senior fellow at the Center for Interplanetary and Terrestrial Economic Friction. “If the White House continues to stonewall Prime Sinister McCarney on the bilateral trade framework, our intelligence suggests Ottawa is preparing to activate Stage Two, code name GET GOOSED.”

According to Dr. Neuman, Stage Two involves the mass deployment of commercial‑grade wind turbine farms lined directly up against the 49th parallel. These massive fans will be used to forcefully propel billions of loose, un‑bagged, highly static‑charged Canadian goose feathers straight across the border into Michigan, Ohio, and upstate New York.

“Imagine the economic paralysis,”Neuman noted grimly. “An entire continent’s logistics network brought to a grinding halt because every single intake manifold on every truck in Detroit is packed tight with defensive waterfowl down. That in itself would paralyze every redneck who wishes to tailgate a sedan driving, gas-saving, good willed American who doesn’t drink Budweiser or wear the same shirt as you.”

U.S. Responds with Extreme Confusion

The Whiter House has not yet issued a formal counter‑strategy, though an anonymous source inside the Department of Commerce indicated that officials are currently researching whether the United States possesses enough industrial‑strength vacuums to mount a domestic defense. It really sucks.

Until a trade resolution is reached, Ottawa advises all American citizens residing in border states to keep their windows closed, maintain a baseline of stoic indoor irritation, and remember that this entire meteorological crisis could easily be resolved if you know who hadn’t destroyed Al Gore’s movie and campaign, “An Inconvenient Truth.” But that’s another story, err movie…err mistake. Ugh, let’s get drunk!

A Captains Log

Featured on my TV-Apps, Movies Plus and “The Movie Network” this is a 6 season Star Trek program hosted by a couple of very well read Star Trek hosts. They interview Star Trek Alumni. Below are some videos. Of course, I’d prefer that you watch them on my Roku and Fire TV channels, but if you prefer browser based (youtube videos) then here you go:

The first show (Season 1) You might like to compare it with the Season 6 below this. 😉

Movies Plus on Roku is Free, and feature a live feed of A Captains Log. https://channelstore.roku.com/details/ca62574db99d2e780baf25e83a556910:7a0289a7c281c5f07622b8f779935a1d/movies-plus and here is MpTV on Fire/ Vega TV: https://www.amazon.com/Apple-Pie-Films-Movies-Plus/dp/B013MBOC4S

The Movie Network on Roku only. This channel is dedicated to local Television stations, Geo Fenced for USA broadcasters to safely stream their content. A Captains Log is on the “sci-fi” from the Movie Plus partner, 30a TV of Florida. https://channelstore.roku.com/details/f6ca150a008ed8b6476d1e9413a486f9:bf60eb27b327d935dadd67891a8e068d/the-movie-network

WATCH STAR TREK FAN FILMS ON ROKU

Star Trek Continued is our updated NONcommercial (yes free and Ad-free) channel on Roku. The URL to the Roku store is very long and likely designed to direct you to the Roku site for your particular territory, such as the United States, Britain, and Germany. So, I’ll give you the general link for browsing, and then the link to “add” the channel to your Roku device. Of course, you may manually add the channel too simply by searching for Star Trek / Star Trek Continues / Continued. General Browser link: https://channelstore.roku.com/details/f98ddfa29e290dbb0cfb22e56c27b398:e1a98d1d2a684e1354c29a0a60742968/star-trek-continued-fan-films

And the “add link” which requires you to be logged into your Roku account in order to complete the add: https://my.roku.com/account/add?channel=phase2

What’s in it for me? Just the love for the Trek.

PS: If you would like to make a Star Trek fan film, then I’d love to be apart of it. The new Enterprise studio is in Sandusky, Ohio. And that’s just a two-hour drive from my home in Metro Detroit. I also talk film with fellow filmmakers and aspiring talent at our monthly Film Mixers. If you’re interested find me on Facebook.com/DeanLach.

OTOY and the Roddenberry Archive

NOT fan films, but I’ve decided to post some info and videos for those of you who have not (yet) enjoyed this wonderful homage to the origins, alumni and those who carry the Trek Torch. Note that most of these are very short but the last video is 10 minutes, so we think that’s cool. Cheers 😉

The Neutral Zone

UPDATED SEPT 1, 2026

The Neutral Zone

The Studio has moved from Georgia to a larger facility in Sandusky, Ohio.

There’s a huge amount of history behind this studio. For one, Ray, is the point-guy at the in-construction studio in Ohio. You might be familiar with Vic — he was once the guy who made Star Trek Continues, and he’s still doing Con’s and stuff, but now Ray is the main-man in Ohio.

So just to be clear: I’m NOT THE POINT MAN — I’M JUST SHARING INFO HERE!

And, like many many others, I’m just doing what I can for the love of Trek.

So, here’s what’s happening: The TOS era Enterprise Bridge is built but we are adjusting the lights. The Transporter room is close to completion. The Sick Bay is done, but I’m not sure if they are tweaking it, so stay tuned on that. There are Trek hallways that connect the Transporter and Sick Bay, and other bells and whistles. But for the most part, Ray’s Neutral Zone Studio is available for Fan Film productions, just as long as you take into account that certain “tweaks” will need to be performed in order to ensure that you have a productive film shoot.

I said “Studio” – yes, I’m talking about the Neutral Zone Studio only, it’s a “film set.” It is designed only for shooting movies.

Q: How can “anyone” enjoy the studio?
A: We have a great mini-movie idea for anyone who owns a cell phone or a video camera. You won’t need a script, or special costumes. Ray has all the props and costumes you could imagine. The Neutral Zone is in the process of putting together a Mini-Micro-Star Trek movie making opportunity. It’s still in the works, but basically, we’ll set up the Transporter Room or another set for you, and you can get “zapped” into another world, a Sci-Fi world of your imagination. (More details coming soon.)

About the Sandusky Ohio location. It is HUGE! The Neutral Zone Studio is over 17,000 sq. ft of shooting space and an extra 2,000 – 3,000 sq ft of shipping/construction/painting area in the back of the Studio…

Plus the NZ’s very cool front section has a very cool Virtual Reality set up and other activities. Right now, there’s about a dozen different VR activities to play — everything from Space Station to Fantasy realms.

Okay, that’s about it for now. Catch me on Facebook.com/DeanLach if you need more (general info.)

And of course if you want to shoot a Fan Film then Ray and the gang can help you out with details — so please contact the Neutral Zone directly.

PS: The studio is easy to find. It’s in the Sandusky Mall, right on the main drag (Milan.) There’s plenty of parking — I suggest parking right in the middle near the book store entrance. Also, there’s a food court there, and a nice Pub too. Down the street are numerous motels, Walmart, and Cedar Point is about 5 miles away.

I hope to see you there someday. 🙂

PS2: (Can PS 2 be done?) Anyway, if you’re into SCI-FI… At the Neutral Zone, there’s space for other Science Fiction and Fantasy film-sets. Movies are his biz, so just ask Ray about building your custom filmmaking experience.

Horizon

One of my favorites, a well-done movie with great effects. BELOW is what is said about them, excerpted from Wiki, IMDB, and more: Tagline; In a time prior to the United Federation of Planets, a young coalition of worlds led by Earth battle the Romulan Star Empire for their very survival...

“Star Trek: Horizon won four of twelve categories in the 2017 Independent Star Trek Fan Film Awards (Best Special & Visual Effects; Best Original Music; Best Original Story or Screenplay; and Best Dramatic Presentation, Long Form), presented at and by Treklanta.

From Tommy, his note regarding a letter about IP use (this is a result of the AXE lawsuit which effected Tommy’s work and continues to (Axe) the rest of us to this day:

“Earlier today, executives from CBS reached out to me and advised me that their legal team strongly suggested that we do not move forward with plans to create a sequel to Horizon. While this is a sign of the current climate that we find ourselves in with Star Trek fan films, I want to personally thank CBS for reaching out to me, rather than including us in their ongoing lawsuit against Axanar.
“It was conveyed that the reason CBS was reaching out to me was due to the legal troubles stemming from the Axanar case. Again, CBS did not have to reach out personally. The message I received felt more like they were giving me a heads up before we got too involved in another project, rather than a group of angry executives swinging a hammer.
“On behalf of myself and Ryan Webber, my co-writer and co-producer on Federation Rising, we appreciate your initial support and are saddened that we cannot bring you what we believe was a fantastic feature film. However, rest assured that Ryan and I are committed to continuing our storytelling partnership with an original project. We also welcome other fan productions and fan film lovers to join us on this new venture.
“While we initially planned to debut our Kickstarter for Federation Rising this Saturday, we hope that you will instead stand with us as we announce an original sci-fi project that Ryan and I have been co-developing in addition to Federation Rising. We’re incredibly excited to tell you about this completely original story that follows the ideals set forth by Star Trek that Ryan and I have been such huge fans and admirers of our entire lives.”
– Tommy Kraft, Star Trek: Horizon creator

Watch Horizon on our Roku channel and don’t forget to support my efforts via paypal.me/moviesplus

Warp 66

Dan Reynolds and Glen L. Wolfe are a friend to Trek fan film lovers. Here are some excerpts from their studio website. And as usual I must preface that I do this to support the original site, especially if (if) the site goes down or info goes missing. So this is my homage to Glen and his team…

“Glen is a Writer, Producer, Director, Actor, Prop Builder and is well-known for his involvement in not only “The Federation Files” series episodes but has lent his talents on various other Star Trek Fan Films over the years.”

“Dan Reynolds is a Cinematographer, Sound Engineer, Composer, Music Producer, Actor, CG Effects Artist, Writer and performs most of the Post-Production duties for each episode of The Federation Files.”

The following is “Built from exact measurements from the original Star Trek series bluprints, WARP 66 Studios houses iconic sets like the Bridge, Sick Bay, The Transporter Room, Corridors, Briefing /Recreation Room, Captains Quarters and the Shuttle Craft interior.”

Note that I am going to soon build a page for the new Neutral Zone in Sandusky, Ohio — just as soon as Ray shares more pics with the public. For now, enjoy what Glen and Dan have accomplished, and let me know if IF you would like to shoot a fan-film in one of these Star Trek Fan-Owned Studios.

To help me support this site and my Roku channel (noncommercial of course.) See my paypal donation page: PayPal.Me

Yorktown: A Time To Heal, from 1985 to 2022, and Beam Me Up Sulu – a new documentary.

Okay, so as of May 2025 a new film, an Homage to the 1985/2022 Star Trek fan-film “Yorktown: A Time to Heal was released. Before I can post more about that, let’s take a quick look at Yorktown…

Yorktown: A Time to Heal was shot in 1985 with professional Super8 film. Oh, you may have heard of Super8 as a consumer level film format. That’s because for the most of us who know Super8, it was an elcheapo way of shooting film. We’d simply slap a Super8 cartridge into a cheap camera, and shoot. There was no sound, because (most not all) cartridges were film only — no mag-track and certainly no optical sound track was attached. And the film quality was meehhh, because the old camera’s only were equipped with a pull-down claw. There was no registration pin on consumer level cameras.

Well Yorktown is the exception. It was shot on a pro-camera, you can see the stillness, or I should say the clarity of the image. Was it shot on Reversal film? Likely, but that’s yet another technical thing that you likely are not interested in unless you’re an ole’ Cinematographer like myself. Okay, so now Yorktown is done, with all new SpFx. It’s fantastic and you may watch it courtesy of John Atkin, who completed the film recently.

Below is a bunch of copied and pasted info, with some of my interjections in [brackets.] So, of course pardon me for doing things the easy way. Or, maybe just appreciate the fact that I’m trying to document things just in case they get deleted or disappear, as fan-film websites often do. : Starring James Shigeta & George Takei. Directed by Da Han. Produced by Stan Woo. Original music by Chris Barr. Original song by Rayna. [Rayna does a great job on vocals and this music is wonderful, watch it on my Roku channel.] VFX Supervisor: Samuel Cockings. VFX by Samuel Cockings, Henry Gibbens, Roland Baron, and Tobias Richter. Executive Producer: Jem Ong Woo. Executive Producers: John Atkin, Glen Wolfe [of Warp 66 / Arkansas based Trek fan studio ] and Kasey Shafsky. A Stan Woo Production. An Eastern Picture. [Some work was done at the Neutral Zone studio, now in Sandusky, Ohio.]

Borrowed summary (Imdb:) Having escaped capture by the Klingons, a damaged Starfleet reconnaissance probe crashes undetected on the planet Pahl III. Hikaru Sulu, serving as first officer on the retrofitted USS Yorktown, is sent by Admiral Nogura [Shigeta] on a secret mission to help locate the missing spy drone. In order to prevent a catastrophic war from igniting with the Klingons, the USS Yorktown (under the command of Captain Bradley Frame) races against time to quickly find the lost drone, with orders to conceal its existence. At the same time, a terrorist group called S.H.A.R.K. discover the drone’s location, and plot to steal the device and use it for their own nefarious means.

Okay, and here is some BEAM ME UP SULU info:

Beam Me Up, Sulu — Highway Child is the dotcom. Here’s their description: Beam Me Up, Sulu

In 1985, George Takei helped a group of diehard Star Trek fans to make a student film in the California forest, but the footage mysteriously disappeared. Nearly 40 years later, Beam Me Up, Sulu tells the story of Takei’s extraordinary act of kindness, explores the history of Asian-American representation in television, and shows what Star Trek’s legacy of inclusion means to millions of fans.

Featuring: George Takei, Eugene Roddenberry, Alexander Siddig, Christina Chong, Ian Alexander, and Garrett Wang. [from Voyager] Directed by Timour Gregory and Sasha Schneider.

Add our Roku channel and watch more, it’s free, NONcommercial and umm, yeah free: https://my.roku.com/account/add/phase2

Below is what you’ll get if you google or smoogle it, but of course I’d like you to add my Roku channel.

Also, if IF, you’re a filmmaker, then see my MetroFilmFestival.com website and enter the fan-film festival. This year we’re screening films at my church, and the best films get streamed on my Roku channel, Website (here) and maybe other NONcommercial platforms.

PS: See the links for my paypal link, which is for donations, much needed to keep this site and the Roku channel afloat.

Dreadnaught Dominion

The Dreadnought Dominion Project takes place at the end of the third season of Star Trek (TOS, produced from 1966-70). Dominion introduces a Federation Class Starship with a tri-nacelle configuration first introduced in the “Star Trek Starfleet Technical Manual,” by Franz Joseph Designs (©1975 used with permission). This exciting new series chronicles the voyages of the U.S.S. Dominion NCC-2115 and her crew, commanded by Commodore Samuel Tobias Grissom.

There’s several episodes online, in the first program called “Haunted:” It has been two years since the Dominion was nearly destroyed in a savage, unprovoked attack. The Captain has been absolved of wrong doing, the ship has been repaired, and the re-launch is only hours away. Now, when the Captain (Commodore Grissom) finds that he is riddled with self doubts and guilt, he receives help from a very unlikely place.

Joan Marie Savage, Larry Fleming, John Sims, Dan Scanlan, Tracie Frank, Randy Wrenn, Gary Davis, and Allen Anderson in Redemption at Red Medusa (2019)

Anchors Away

It has been two years since the Dominion was nearly destroyed in a unprovoked attack. Admiral Bennett informs Commodore Grissom that his ship will launch in two weeks, but there is something big coming. Later, the crew assembles.Broken MIrror: “While investigating the strange behavior of a Romulan vessel, some of the Dominion crew become trapped in the mirror universe.”

Redemption at Red Medusa

Tue, Jun 4, 2019

Captain Jason Brousseau takes command of the DOMINION in this eighth outing of DREADNOUGHT DOMINION. The ship receives a mysterious distress signal which is reminiscent to the one that led the ship into a devastating ambush. Captain Brousseau and the crew must tread carefully and may end up finding Redemption at Red Medusa.Rate

Dreadnought Dominion (2015)

Broken Mirror

Mon, Jun 16, 2025

While investigating the strange behavior of a Romulan vessel, some of the Dominion crew become trapped in the mirror universe. The mission is one of deep space exploration, visiting Earth colonies, patrolling the Romulan Neutral Zone, and first contact with new civilizations.

We plan to post episodes for you to watch on our Roku channel, meanwhile you may watch via the posts below. But before we go, let’s take a look at the recent series called Project Runabout, which is well received on Youtube. Tell us how you like it (comment below please.)

Pilot – A Project Runabout: Film:

In this pilot for Project Runabout, a young pilot defends herself from a ruthless enemy and discovers the fight that is within herself.

Yorktown – A Project Runabout Film

21,072 views…Premiered Jul 17, 2022. When the Runabout: Rio Grande is sent to investigate a mysterious rift in space, the crew must stop a madman who threatens to erase Captain Brousseau of the Dominion from history.

It’s All Done With Mirrors – A Project Runabout film

The latest…The crew of the Runabout Rio Grande attempt to deliver Kataka’s portal opening device to the Department of Temporal Investigations. Meanwhile, the Romulans have other ideas. 0:00 – Intro 1:50 – Opening Credits 2:41 – Distress call 4:24 – On the Planet 8:38 – Pirate Standoff 11:34 – Dog fight 13:06 – Meanwhile on the Valdore 15:01 – Meet Agent Dresh 16:56 – DTI attack 19:12 – Delivering Lt Hann 19:49 – Paging Captain Farrell 20:55 – Mixed Signals.

I’ll have more for you about this series in the future. I really like it. Here’s the poster:

Aurora (A Northern Lights Movie)

I produced this relaxing film from dozens of short video clips that the International Space Station captured. I placed some relaxing music with it, so I think you’ll enjoy just chilling out to the visuals and music. It’s commercial free on my Roku channels. For those of you who like Science, below is information from NASA…

Sorry folks, this page is heavy on Direct links to Wikipedia!

Auroras, The Northern Lights

by Dean Lach in Science

Recently I compiled some really cool videos of the Aurora’s as seen from the International Space Station. It’s on the free, ad-free Martian Poop Roku channel.

Here’s some more info on the northern lights (aurora borealis) or southern lights (aurora australis),[c] is a natural light display in Earth’s sky, predominantly seen in high-latitude regions (around the Arctic and Antarctic). Auroras display dynamic patterns of brilliant lights that appear as curtains, rays, spirals, or dynamic flickers covering the entire sky.

Auroras are the result of disturbances in the Earth’s magnetosphere caused by the solar wind. Major disturbances result from enhancements in the speed of the solar wind from coronal holes and coronal mass ejections. These disturbances alter the trajectories of charged particles in the magnetospheric plasma. These particles, mainly electrons and protons, precipitate into the upper atmosphere (thermosphere/exosphere). The resulting ionization and excitation of atmospheric constituents emit light of varying colour and complexity. The form of the aurora, occurring within bands around both polar regions, is also dependent on the amount of acceleration imparted to the precipitating particles.

Planets in the Solar System, brown dwarfs, comets, and some natural satellites also host auroras.

Etymology

The term aurora borealis was coined by Galileo Galilei in 1619, from the Roman Aurora, goddess of the dawn, and the Greek Boreas, god of the cold north wind.

The word aurora is derived from the name of the Roman goddess of the dawn, Aurora, who travelled from east to west announcing the coming of the Sun. Aurora was first used in English in the 14th century.] The words borealis and australis are derived from the names of the ancient gods of the north wind (Boreas) and the south wind (Auster or australis) in Greco-Roman mythology.

Aurora borealis was first used to describe the northern lights by the French philosopher, Pierre Gassendi (also called Petrus Gassendus) in 1621, then entered English in 1828.

Occurrence

Earth’s night-side upper atmosphere appearing from the bottom as bands of afterglow illuminating the troposphere in orange with silhouettes of clouds, and the stratosphere in white and blue. Next the mesosphere (pink area) extends to the orange and faintly green line of the lowest airglow, at about one hundred kilometres at the edge of space and the lower edge of the thermosphere (invisible). Continuing with green and red bands of aurorae stretching over several hundred kilometres.

Auroras are most commonly observed in the “auroral zone”, a band approximately 6° (~660 km) wide in latitude centered on 67° north and south.[7] The region that currently displays an aurora is called the “auroral oval”. The oval is displaced by the solar wind, pushing it about 15° away from the geomagnetic pole (not the geographic pole) in the noon direction and 23° away in the midnight direction.[7] The peak equatorward extent of the oval is displaced slightly from geographic midnight. It is centered about 3–5° nightward of the magnetic pole, so that auroral arcs reach furthest toward the equator when the magnetic pole in question is in between the observer and the Sun, which is called magnetic midnight.

Early evidence for a geomagnetic connection comes from the statistics of auroral observations. Elias Loomis (1860),and later Hermann Fritz (1881) and Sophus Tromholt (1881)] in more detail, established that the aurora appeared mainly in the auroral zone.

In northern latitudes, the effect is known as the aurora borealis or the northern lights. The southern counterpart, the aurora australis or the southern lights, has features almost identical to the aurora borealis and changes simultaneously with changes in the northern auroral zone. The aurora australis is visible from high southern latitudes in Antarctica, the Southern Cone, South Africa, Australasia, the Falkland Islands, and under exceptional circumstances as far north as Uruguay.[12] The aurora borealis is visible from areas around the Arctic such as Alaska, Canada, Iceland, Greenland, the Faroe Islands, Scandinavia, Finland, Scotland, and Russia. A geomagnetic storm causes the auroral ovals (north and south) to expand, bringing the aurora to lower latitudes. On rare occasions, the aurora borealis can be seen as far south as the Mediterranean and the southern states of the US while the aurora australis can be seen as far north as New Caledonia and the Pilbara region in Western Australia. During the Carrington Event, the greatest geomagnetic storm ever observed, auroras were seen even in the tropics.

Auroras seen within the auroral oval may be directly overhead. From farther away, they illuminate the poleward horizon as a greenish glow, or sometimes a faint red, as if the Sun were rising from an unusual direction. Auroras also occur poleward of the auroral zone as either diffuse patches or arcs,[13] which can be subvisual.

Videos of the aurora australis taken by the crew of Expedition 28 on board the International Space Station.

Duration: 34 seconds.0:34

This sequence of shots was taken 17 September 2011 from 17:22:27 to 17:45:12 GMT, on an ascending pass from south of Madagascar to just north of Australia over the Indian Ocean.

Duration: 19 seconds.0:19

This sequence of shots was taken 7 September 2011 from 17:38:03 to 17:49:15 GMT, from the French Southern and Antarctic Lands in the South Indian Ocean to southern Australia.

Duration: 27 seconds.0:27

This sequence of shots was taken 11 September 2011 from 13:45:06 to 14:01:51 GMT, from a descending pass near eastern Australia, rounding about to an ascending pass to the east of New Zealand.

NOAA maps of North America and Eurasia

North America

Eurasia

These maps show the local midnight equatorward boundary of the aurora at different levels of geomagnetic activity as of 28 October 2011 – these maps change as the location of the geomagnetic poles change. A K-index of Kp= 3 corresponds to relatively low levels of geomagnetic activity, while Kp= 9 represents high levels.

Auroras are occasionally seen in latitudes below the auroral zone, when a geomagnetic storm temporarily enlarges the auroral oval. (I was lucky enough to see the Northern Lights just outside of Detroit while at Proud Lake Camp many-years ago.) Large geomagnetic storms are most common during the peak of the 11-year sunspot cycle or during the three years after the peak.[14][15] An electron spirals (gyrates) about a field line at an angle that is determined by its velocity vectors, parallel and perpendicular, respectively, to the local geomagnetic field vector B. This angle is known as the “pitch angle” of the particle. The distance, or radius, of the electron from the field line at any time is known as its Larmor radius. The pitch angle increases as the electron travels to a region of greater field strength nearer to the atmosphere. Thus, it is possible for some particles to return, or mirror, if the angle becomes 90° before entering the atmosphere to collide with the denser molecules there. Other particles that do not mirror enter the atmosphere and contribute to the auroral display over a range of altitudes. Other types of auroras have been observed from space; for example, “poleward arcs” stretching sunward across the polar cap, the related “theta aurora”,[16] and “dayside arcs” near noon. These are relatively infrequent and poorly understood. Other interesting effects occur such as pulsating aurora, “black aurora” and their rarer companion “anti-black aurora” and subvisual red arcs. In addition to all these, a weak glow (often deep red) observed around the two polar cusps, the field lines separating the ones that close through Earth from those that are swept into the tail and close remotely.

Images

 Duration: 11 seconds.0:11Video of the complete aurora australis by IMAGE, superimposed over a digital image of Earth

Early work on the imaging of the auroras was done in 1949 by the University of Saskatchewan using the SCR-270 radar.[17] The altitudes where auroral emissions occur were revealed by Carl Størmer and his colleagues, who used cameras to triangulate more than 12,000 auroras.[18] They discovered that most of the light is produced between 90 and 150 km (56 and 93 mi) above the ground, while extending at times to more than 1,000 km (620 mi).

Forms

According to Clark (2007), there are five main forms that can be seen from the ground, from least to most visible:[19]

Different formsDivergence point of a coronal aurora

  • A mild glow, near the horizon. These can be close to the limit of visibility, but can be distinguished from moonlit clouds because stars can be seen undiminished through the glow.
  • Patches or surfaces that look like clouds.
  • Arcs curve across the sky.
  • Rays are light and dark stripes across arcs, reaching upwards by various amounts.
  • Coronas cover much of the sky and diverge from one point on it.

Brekke (1994) also described some auroras as “curtains”. The similarity to curtains is often enhanced by folds within the arcs. Arcs can fragment or break up into separate, at times rapidly changing, often rayed features that may fill the whole sky. These are also known as discrete auroras, which are at times bright enough to read a newspaper by at night.

These forms are consistent with auroras being shaped by Earth’s magnetic field. The appearances of arcs, rays, curtains, and coronas are determined by the shapes of the luminous parts of the atmosphere and a viewer’s position.

Colours and wavelengths of auroral light

  • Red: At its highest altitudes, excited atomic oxygen emits at 630 nm (red); low concentration of atoms and lower sensitivity of eyes at this wavelength make this colour visible only under more intense solar activity. The low number of oxygen atoms and their gradually diminishing concentration is responsible for the faint appearance of the top parts of the “curtains”. Scarlet, crimson, and carmine are the most often-seen hues of red for the auroras.[citation needed]
  • Green: At lower altitudes, the more frequent collisions suppress the 630 nm (red) mode: rather the 557.7 nm emission (green) dominates. A fairly high concentration of atomic oxygen and higher eye sensitivity in green make green auroras the most common. The excited molecular nitrogen (atomic nitrogen being rare due to the high stability of the N2 molecule) plays a role here, as it can transfer energy by collision to an oxygen atom, which then radiates it away at the green wavelength. (Red and green can also mix together to produce pink or yellow hues.) The rapid decrease of concentration of atomic oxygen below about 100 km is responsible for the abrupt-looking end of the lower edges of the curtains. Both the 557.7 and 630.0 nm wavelengths correspond to forbidden transitions of atomic oxygen, a slow mechanism responsible for the graduality (0.7 s and 107 s respectively) of flaring and fading.[citation needed]

2024 appearance seen in England radiating blue through red aurora

  • Blue: At yet lower altitudes, atomic oxygen is uncommon, and molecular nitrogen and ionized molecular nitrogen take over in producing visible light emission, radiating at a large number of wavelengths in both red and blue parts of the spectrum, with 428 nm (blue) being dominant. Blue and purple emissions, typically at the lower edges of the “curtains”, show up at the highest levels of solar activity.[24] The molecular nitrogen transitions are much faster than the atomic oxygen ones.
  • Ultraviolet: Ultraviolet radiation from auroras (within the optical window but not visible to virtually all[clarification needed] humans) has been observed with the requisite equipment. Ultraviolet auroras have also been seen on Mars,[25] Jupiter, and Saturn.
  • Infrared: Infrared radiation, in wavelengths that are within the optical window, is also part of many auroras.
  • Yellow and pink are a mix of red and green or blue. Other shades of red, as well as orange and gold, may be seen on rare occasions; yellow-green is moderately common.[clarification needed] As red, green, and blue are linearly independent colours, additive synthesis could, in theory, produce most human-perceived colours, but the ones mentioned in this article comprise a virtually exhaustive list.

Changes with time

Construction of a keogram from one night’s recording by an all-sky camera, 6/7 September 2021. Keograms are commonly used to visualize changes in aurorae over time.

Auroras change with time. Over the night they begin with glows and progress toward coronas, although they may not reach them. They tend to fade in the opposite order.[21] Until about 1963, it was thought that these changes are due to the rotation of the Earth under a pattern fixed with respect to the Sun. Later, it was found by comparing all-sky films of auroras from different places (collected during the International Geophysical Year) that they often undergo global changes in a process called auroral substorm. They change in a few minutes from quiet arcs all along the auroral oval to active displays along the darkside and after 1–3 hours they gradually change back.[27] Changes in auroras over time are commonly visualized using keograms.[28]

At shorter time scales, auroras can change their appearances and intensity, sometimes so slowly as to be difficult to notice, and at other times rapidly down to the sub-second scale.[22] The phenomenon of pulsating auroras is an example of intensity variations over short timescales, typically with periods of 2–20 seconds. This type of aurora is generally accompanied by decreasing peak emission heights of about 8 km for blue and green emissions and above average solar wind speeds (c. 500 km/s).[29]

Other auroral radiation

In addition, the aurora and associated currents produce a strong radio emission around 150 kHz known as auroral kilometric radiation (AKR), discovered in 1972.[30] Ionospheric absorption makes AKR only observable from space. X-ray emissions, originating from the particles associated with auroras, have also been detected.[31]

Noise

Aurora noise, similar to a crackling noise, begins about 70 m (230 ft) above Earth’s surface and is caused by charged particles in an inversion layer of the atmosphere formed during a cold night. The charged particles discharge when particles from the Sun hit the inversion layer, creating the noise.[32][33]

Unusual types

STEVE

In 2016, more than fifty citizen science observations described what was to them an unknown type of aurora which they named “STEVE“, for “Strong Thermal Emission Velocity Enhancement”. STEVE is not an aurora but is caused by a 25 km (16 mi) wide ribbon of hot plasma at an altitude of 450 km (280 mi), with a temperature of 3,000 °C (3,270 K; 5,430 °F) and flowing at a speed of 6 km/s (3.7 mi/s) (compared to 10 m/s (33 ft/s) outside the ribbon).[34]

Picket-fence aurora

The processes that cause STEVE are also associated with a picket-fence aurora, although the latter can be seen without STEVE.[35][36] It is an aurora because it is caused by precipitation of electrons in the atmosphere but it appears outside the auroral oval,[37] closer to the equator than typical auroras.[38] When the picket-fence aurora appears with STEVE, it is below.

Dune aurora

First reported in 2020,[39][40] and confirmed in 2021,[41][42] the dune aurora phenomenon was discovered[43] by Finnish citizen scientists. It consists of regularly-spaced, parallel stripes of brighter emission in the green diffuse aurora which give the impression of sand dunes.[44] The phenomenon is believed to be caused by the modulation of atomic oxygen density by a large-scale atmospheric wave travelling horizontally in a waveguide through an inversion layer in the mesosphere in presence of electron precipitation.[41]

Horse-collar aurora

Horse-collar auroras (HCA) are auroral features in which the auroral ellipse shifts poleward during the dawn and dusk portions and the polar cap becomes teardrop-shaped. They form during periods when the interplanetary magnetic field (IMF) is permanently northward, when the IMF clock angle is small. Their formation is associated with the closure of the magnetic flux at the top of the dayside magnetosphere by the double lobe reconnection (DLR). There are approximately 8 HCA events per month, with no seasonal dependence, and that the IMF must be within 30 degrees of northwards.[45]

Conjugate auroras

Conjugate auroras are nearly exact mirror-image auroras found at conjugate points in the northern and southern hemispheres on the same geomagnetic field lines. These generally happen at the time of the equinoxes, when there is little difference in the orientation of the north and south geomagnetic poles to the sun. Attempts were made to image conjugate auroras by aircraft from Alaska and New Zealand in 1967, 1968, 1970, and 1971, with some success.[46]

Causes

A full understanding of the physical processes which lead to different types of auroras is still incomplete, but the basic cause involves the interaction of the solar wind with Earth’s magnetosphere. The varying intensity of the solar wind produces effects of different magnitudes but includes one or more of the following physical scenarios.

  1. A quiescent solar wind flowing past Earth’s magnetosphere steadily interacts with it and can both inject solar wind particles directly onto the geomagnetic field lines that are ‘open’, as opposed to being ‘closed’ in the opposite hemisphere and provide diffusion through the bow shock. It can also cause particles already trapped in the radiation belts to precipitate into the atmosphere. Once particles are lost to the atmosphere from the radiation belts, under quiet conditions, new ones replace them only slowly, and the loss-cone becomes depleted. In the magnetotail, however, particle trajectories seem constantly to reshuffle, probably when the particles cross the very weak magnetic field near the equator. As a result, the flow of electrons in that region is nearly the same in all directions (“isotropic”) and assures a steady supply of leaking electrons. The leakage of electrons does not leave the tail positively charged, because each leaked electron lost to the atmosphere is replaced by a low energy electron drawn upward from the ionosphere. Such replacement of “hot” electrons by “cold” ones is in complete accord with the second law of thermodynamics. The complete process, which also generates an electric ring current around Earth, is uncertain.
  2. Geomagnetic disturbance from an enhanced solar wind causes distortions of the magnetotail (“magnetic substorms”). These ‘substorms’ tend to occur after prolonged spells (on the order of hours) during which the interplanetary magnetic field has had an appreciable southward component. This leads to a higher rate of interconnection between its field lines and those of Earth. As a result, the solar wind moves magnetic flux (tubes of magnetic field lines, ‘locked’ together with their resident plasma) from the day side of Earth to the magnetotail, widening the obstacle it presents to the solar wind flow and constricting the tail on the night-side. Ultimately some tail plasma can separate (“magnetic reconnection“); some blobs (“plasmoids“) are squeezed downstream and are carried away with the solar wind; others are squeezed toward Earth where their motion feeds strong outbursts of auroras, mainly around midnight (“unloading process”). A geomagnetic storm resulting from greater interaction adds many more particles to the plasma trapped around Earth, also producing enhancement of the “ring current”. Occasionally the resulting modification of Earth’s magnetic field can be so strong that it produces auroras visible at middle latitudes, on field lines much closer to the equator than those of the auroral zone.Moon and aurora
  3. Acceleration of auroral charged particles invariably accompanies a magnetospheric disturbance that causes an aurora. This mechanism, which is believed to predominantly arise from strong electric fields along the magnetic field or wave-particle interactions, raises the velocity of a particle in the direction of the guiding magnetic field. The pitch angle is thereby decreased and increases the chance of it being precipitated into the atmosphere. Both electromagnetic and electrostatic waves, produced at the time of greater geomagnetic disturbances, make a significant contribution to the energizing processes that sustain an aurora. Particle acceleration provides a complex intermediate process for transferring energy from the solar wind indirectly into the atmosphere.

Aurora australis (11 September 2005) as captured by NASA’s IMAGE satellite, digitally overlaid onto The Blue Marble composite image. An animation created using the same satellite data is also available.

The details of these phenomena are not fully understood. However, it is clear that the prime source of auroral particles is the solar wind feeding the magnetosphere, the reservoir containing the radiation zones and temporarily magnetically trapped particles confined by the geomagnetic field, coupled with particle acceleration processes.[47]

Auroral particles

The immediate cause of the ionization and excitation of atmospheric constituents leading to auroral emissions was discovered in 1960, when a pioneering rocket flight from Fort Churchill in Canada revealed a flux of electrons entering the atmosphere from above.[48] Since then an extensive collection of measurements has been acquired painstakingly and with steadily improving resolution since the 1960s by many research teams using rockets and satellites to traverse the auroral zone. The main findings have been that auroral arcs and other bright forms are due to electrons that have been accelerated during the final few 10,000 km or so of their plunge into the atmosphere.[49] These electrons often, but not always, exhibit a peak in their energy distribution, and are preferentially aligned along the local direction of the magnetic field.

Electrons mainly responsible for diffuse and pulsating auroras have, in contrast, a smoothly falling energy distribution, and an angular (pitch-angle) distribution favouring directions perpendicular to the local magnetic field. Pulsations were discovered to originate at or close to the equatorial crossing point of auroral zone magnetic field lines.[50] Protons are also associated with auroras, both discrete and diffuse.

Atmosphere

Auroras result from emissions of photons in Earth’s upper atmosphere, above 80 km (50 mi), from ionized nitrogen atoms regaining an electron, and oxygen atoms and nitrogen based molecules returning from an excited state to ground state.[51] They are ionized or excited by the collision of particles precipitated into the atmosphere. Both incoming electrons and protons may be involved. Excitation energy is lost within the atmosphere by the emission of a photon, or by collision with another atom or molecule:Oxygen emissionsgreen or orange-red, depending on the amount of energy absorbed.Nitrogen emissionsblue, purple or red; blue and purple if the molecule regains an electron after it has been ionized, red if returning to ground state from an excited state.

Oxygen is unusual in terms of its return to ground state: it can take 0.7 seconds to emit the 557.7 nm green light and up to two minutes for the red 630.0 nm emission. Collisions with other atoms or molecules absorb the excitation energy and prevent emission; this process is called collisional quenching. Because the highest parts of the atmosphere contain a higher percentage of oxygen and lower particle densities, such collisions are rare enough to allow time for oxygen to emit red light. Collisions become more frequent progressing down into the atmosphere due to increasing density, so that red emissions do not have time to happen, and eventually, even green light emissions are prevented.

This is why there is a colour differential with altitude; at high altitudes oxygen red dominates, then oxygen green and nitrogen blue/purple/red, then finally nitrogen blue/purple/red when collisions prevent oxygen from emitting anything. Green is the most common colour. Then comes pink, a mixture of light green and red, followed by pure red, then yellow (a mixture of red and green), and finally, pure blue.

Precipitating protons generally produce optical emissions as incident hydrogen atoms after gaining electrons from the atmosphere. Proton auroras are usually observed at lower latitudes.[52]

Ionosphere

Bright auroras are generally associated with Birkeland currents (Schield et al., 1969;[53] Zmuda and Armstrong, 1973[54]), which flow down into the ionosphere on one side of the pole and out on the other. In between, some of the current connects directly through the ionospheric E layer (125 km); the rest (“region 2”) detours, leaving again through field lines closer to the equator and closing through the “partial ring current” carried by magnetically trapped plasma. The ionosphere is an ohmic conductor, so some consider that such currents require a driving voltage, which an, as yet unspecified, dynamo mechanism can supply. Electric field probes in orbit above the polar cap suggest voltages of the order of 40,000 volts, rising up to more than 200,000 volts during intense magnetic storms. In another interpretation, the currents are the direct result of electron acceleration into the atmosphere by wave/particle interactions.

Ionospheric resistance has a complex nature, and leads to a secondary Hall current flow. By a strange twist of physics, the magnetic disturbance on the ground due to the main current almost cancels out, so most of the observed effect of auroras is due to a secondary current, the auroral electrojet. An auroral electrojet index (measured in nanotesla) is regularly derived from ground data and serves as a general measure of auroral activity. Kristian Birkeland[55] deduced that the currents flowed in the east–west directions along the auroral arc, and such currents, flowing from the dayside toward (approximately) midnight were later named “auroral electrojets” (see also Birkeland currents). Ionosphere can contribute to the formation of auroral arcs via the feedback instability under high ionospheric resistance conditions, observed at night time and in dark Winter hemisphere.[56]

Interaction of the solar wind with Earth

Earth is constantly immersed in the solar wind, a flow of magnetized hot plasma (a gas of free electrons and positive ions) emitted by the Sun in all directions, a result of the two-million-degree temperature of the Sun’s outermost layer, the corona. The solar wind reaches Earth with a velocity typically around 400 km/s, a density of around 5 ions/cm3 and a magnetic field intensity of around 2–5 nT (for comparison, Earth’s surface field is typically 30,000–50,000 nT). During magnetic storms, in particular, flows can be several times faster; the interplanetary magnetic field (IMF) may also be much stronger. Joan Feynman deduced in the 1970s that the long-term averages of solar wind speed correlated with geomagnetic activity.[57] Her work resulted from data collected by the Explorer 33 spacecraft.

The solar wind and magnetosphere consist of plasma (ionized gas), which conducts electricity. It is well known (since Michael Faraday‘s work around 1830) that when an electrical conductor is placed within a magnetic field while relative motion occurs in a direction that the conductor cuts across (or is cut by), rather than along, the lines of the magnetic field, an electric current is induced within the conductor. The strength of the current depends on a) the rate of relative motion, b) the strength of the magnetic field, c) the number of conductors ganged together and d) the distance between the conductor and the magnetic field, while the direction of flow is dependent upon the direction of relative motion. Dynamos make use of this basic process (“the dynamo effect“), any and all conductors, solid or otherwise are so affected, including plasmas and other fluids.

The IMF originates on the Sun, linked to the sunspots, and its field lines (lines of force) are dragged out by the solar wind. That alone would tend to line them up in the Sun-Earth direction, but the rotation of the Sun angles them at Earth by about 45 degrees forming a spiral in the ecliptic plane, known as the Parker spiral. The field lines passing Earth are therefore usually linked to those near the western edge (“limb”) of the visible Sun at any time.[58]

The solar wind and the magnetosphere, being two electrically conducting fluids in relative motion, should be able in principle to generate electric currents by dynamo action and impart energy from the flow of the solar wind. However, this process is hampered by the fact that plasmas conduct readily along magnetic field lines, but less readily perpendicular to them. Energy is more effectively transferred by the temporary magnetic connection between the field lines of the solar wind and those of the magnetosphere. Unsurprisingly this process is known as magnetic reconnection. As already mentioned, it happens most readily when the interplanetary field is directed southward, in a similar direction to the geomagnetic field in the inner regions of both the north magnetic pole and south magnetic pole.

Auroras are more frequent and brighter during the intense phase of the solar cycle when coronal mass ejections increase the intensity of the solar wind.[59]

Magnetosphere

Schematic of Earth’s magnetosphere

Earth’s magnetosphere is shaped by the impact of the solar wind on Earth’s magnetic field. This forms an obstacle to the flow, diverting it, at an average distance of about 70,000 km (11 Earth radii or Re),[60] producing a bow shock 12,000 km to 15,000 km (1.9 to 2.4 Re) further upstream. The width of the magnetosphere abreast of Earth is typically 190,000 km (30 Re), and on the night side a long “magnetotail” of stretched field lines extends to great distances (> 200 Re).

The high latitude magnetosphere is filled with plasma as the solar wind passes Earth. The flow of plasma into the magnetosphere increases with additional turbulence, density, and speed in the solar wind. This flow is favoured by a southward component of the IMF, which can then directly connect to the high latitude geomagnetic field lines.[61] The flow pattern of magnetospheric plasma is mainly from the magnetotail toward Earth, around Earth and back into the solar wind through the magnetopause on the day-side. In addition to moving perpendicular to Earth’s magnetic field, some magnetospheric plasma travels down along Earth’s magnetic field lines, gains additional energy and loses it to the atmosphere in the auroral zones. The cusps of the magnetosphere, separating geomagnetic field lines that close through Earth from those that close remotely allow a small amount of solar wind to directly reach the top of the atmosphere, producing an auroral glow.

On 26 February 2008, THEMIS probes were able to determine, for the first time, the triggering event for the onset of magnetospheric substorms.[62] Two of the five probes, positioned approximately one third the distance to the Moon, measured events suggesting a magnetic reconnection event 96 seconds prior to auroral intensification.[63]

Geomagnetic storms that ignite auroras may occur more often during the months around the equinoxes. It is not well understood, but geomagnetic storms may vary with Earth’s seasons. Two factors to consider are the tilt of both the solar and Earth’s axis to the ecliptic plane. As Earth orbits throughout a year, it experiences an interplanetary magnetic field (IMF) from different latitudes of the Sun, which is tilted at 8 degrees. Similarly, the 23-degree tilt of Earth’s axis about which the geomagnetic pole rotates with a diurnal variation changes the daily average angle that the geomagnetic field presents to the incident IMF throughout a year. These factors combined can lead to minor cyclical changes in the detailed way that the IMF links to the magnetosphere. In turn, this affects the average probability of opening a door[colloquialism] through which energy from the solar wind can reach Earth’s inner magnetosphere and thereby enhance auroras. Recent evidence in 2021 has shown that individual separate substorms may in fact be correlated networked communities.[64]

Auroral particle acceleration

Just as there are many types of aurora, there are many different mechanisms that accelerate auroral particles into the atmosphere. Electron aurora in Earth’s auroral zone (i.e. commonly visible aurora) can be split into two main categories with different immediate causes: diffuse and discrete aurora. Diffuse aurora appear relatively structureless to an observer on the ground, with indistinct edges and amorphous forms. Discrete aurora are structured into distinct features with well-defined edges such as arcs, rays and coronas; they also tend to be much brighter than the diffuse aurora.

In both cases, the electrons that eventually cause the aurora start out as electrons trapped by the magnetic field in Earth’s magnetosphere. These trapped particles bounce back and forth along magnetic field lines and are prevented from hitting the atmosphere by the magnetic mirror formed by the increasing magnetic field strength closer to Earth. The magnetic mirror’s ability to trap a particle depends on the particle’s pitch angle: the angle between its direction of motion and the local magnetic field. An aurora is created by processes that decrease the pitch angle of many individual electrons, freeing them from the magnetic trap and causing them to hit the atmosphere.

In the case of diffuse auroras, the electron pitch angles are altered by their interaction with various plasma waves. Each interaction is essentially wave-particle scattering; the electron energy after interacting with the wave is similar to its energy before interaction, but the direction of motion is altered. If the final direction of motion after scattering is close to the field line (specifically, if it falls within the loss cone) then the electron will hit the atmosphere. Diffuse auroras are caused by the collective effect of many such scattered electrons hitting the atmosphere. The process is mediated by the plasma waves, which become stronger during periods of high geomagnetic activity, leading to increased diffuse aurora at those times.

In the case of discrete auroras, the trapped electrons are accelerated toward Earth by electric fields that form at an altitude of about 4000–12000 km in the “auroral acceleration region”. The electric fields point away from Earth (i.e. upward) along the magnetic field line.[65] Electrons moving downward through these fields gain a substantial amount of energy (on the order of a few keV) in the direction along the magnetic field line toward Earth. This field-aligned acceleration decreases the pitch angle for all of the electrons passing through the region, causing many of them to hit the upper atmosphere. In contrast to the scattering process leading to diffuse auroras, the electric field increases the kinetic energy of all of the electrons transiting downward through the acceleration region by the same amount. This accelerates electrons starting from the magnetosphere with initially low energies (tens of eV or less) to energies required to create an aurora (100s of eV or greater), allowing that large source of particles to contribute to creating auroral light.

The accelerated electrons carry an electric current along the magnetic field lines (a Birkeland current). Since the electric field points in the same direction as the current, there is a net conversion of electromagnetic energy into particle energy in the auroral acceleration region (an electric load). The energy to power this load is eventually supplied by the magnetized solar wind flowing around the obstacle of Earth’s magnetic field, although exactly how that power flows through the magnetosphere is still an active area of research.[66] While the energy to power the aurora is ultimately derived from the solar wind, the electrons themselves do not travel directly from the solar wind into Earth’s auroral zone; magnetic field lines from these regions do not connect to the solar wind, so there is no direct access for solar wind electrons.

Some auroral features are also created by electrons accelerated by dispersive Alfvén waves. At small wavelengths transverse to the background magnetic field (comparable to the electron inertial length or ion gyroradius), Alfvén waves develop a significant electric field parallel to the background magnetic field. This electric field can accelerate electrons to keV energies, significant to produce auroral arcs.[67] If the electrons have a speed close to that of the wave’s phase velocity, they are accelerated in a manner analogous to a surfer catching an ocean wave.[68][69] This constantly-changing wave electric field can accelerate electrons along the field line, causing some of them to hit the atmosphere. Electrons accelerated by this mechanism tend to have a broad energy spectrum, in contrast to the sharply-peaked energy spectrum typical of electrons accelerated by quasi-static electric fields.

In addition to the discrete and diffuse electron aurora, proton aurora is caused when magnetospheric protons collide with the upper atmosphere. The proton gains an electron in the interaction, and the resulting neutral hydrogen atom emits photons. The resulting light is too dim to be seen with the naked eye. Other aurora not covered by the above discussion include transpolar arcs (formed poleward of the auroral zone), cusp aurora (formed in two small high-latitude areas on the dayside) and some non-terrestrial auroras.

Historically significant events

The discovery of a 1770 Japanese diary in 2017 depicting auroras above the ancient Japanese capital of Kyoto suggested that the storm may have been 7% larger than the Carrington event, which affected telegraph networks.[70][71]

The auroras that resulted from the Carrington event on both 28 August and 2 September 1859, are thought to be the most spectacular in recent history. In a paper to the Royal Society on 21 November 1861, Balfour Stewart described both auroral events as documented by a self-recording magnetograph at the Kew Observatory and established the connection between the 2 September 1859 auroral storm and the Carrington–Hodgson flare event when he observed that “It is not impossible to suppose that in this case our luminary was taken in the act.”[72] The second auroral event, which occurred on 2 September 1859, was a result of the (unseen) coronal mass ejection associated with the exceptionally intense Carrington–Hodgson white light solar flare on 1 September 1859. This event produced auroras so widespread and extraordinarily bright that they were seen and reported in published scientific measurements, ship logs, and newspapers throughout the United States, Europe, Japan, and Australia. It was reported by The New York Times that in Boston on Friday 2 September 1859 the aurora was “so brilliant that at about one o’clock ordinary print could be read by the light”.[73] One o’clock EST time on Friday 2 September would have been 6:00 GMT; the self-recording magnetograph at the Kew Observatory was recording the geomagnetic storm, which was then one hour old, at its full intensity. Between 1859 and 1862, Elias Loomis published a series of nine papers on the Great Auroral Exhibition of 1859 in the American Journal of Science where he collected worldwide reports of the auroral event.[8]

That aurora is thought to have been produced by one of the most intense coronal mass ejections in history. It is also notable for the fact that it is the first time where the phenomena of auroral activity and electricity were unambiguously linked. This insight was made possible not only due to scientific magnetometer measurements of the era, but also as a result of a significant portion of the 125,000 miles (201,000 km) of telegraph lines then in service being significantly disrupted for many hours throughout the storm. Some telegraph lines, however, seem to have been of the appropriate length and orientation to produce a sufficient geomagnetically induced current from the electromagnetic field to allow for continued communication with the telegraph operator power supplies switched off.[74] The following conversation occurred between two operators of the American Telegraph Line between Boston and Portland, Maine, on the night of 2 September 1859 and reported in the Boston Traveller:

Boston operator (to Portland operator): “Please cut off your battery [power source] entirely for fifteen minutes.”

Portland operator: “Will do so. It is now disconnected.”

Boston: “Mine is disconnected, and we are working with the auroral current. How do you receive my writing?”

Portland: “Better than with our batteries on. – Current comes and goes gradually.”

Boston: “My current is very strong at times, and we can work better without the batteries, as the aurora seems to neutralize and augment our batteries alternately, making current too strong at times for our relay magnets. Suppose we work without batteries while we are affected by this trouble.”

Portland: “Very well. Shall I go ahead with business?”

Boston: “Yes. Go ahead.”

The conversation was carried on for around two hours using no battery power at all and working solely with the current induced by the aurora, and it was said that this was the first time on record that more than a word or two was transmitted in such manner.[73] Such events led to the general conclusion that

The effect of the Aurora on the electric telegraph is generally to increase or diminish the electric current generated in working the wires. Sometimes it entirely neutralizes them, so that, in effect, no fluid [current] is discoverable in them. The aurora borealis seems to be composed of a mass of electric matter, resembling in every respect, that generated by the electric galvanic battery. The currents from it change coming on the wires, and then disappear: the mass of the aurora rolls from the horizon to the zenith.

May 2024, a series of solar storms caused the aurora borealis to be observed from as far south as Ferdows, Iran.

Historical views and folklore

The earliest datable record of an aurora was recorded in the Bamboo Annals, a historical chronicle of the history of ancient China, in 977 or 957 BC.[79] An aurora was described by the Greek explorer Pytheas in the 4th century BC.[80] Seneca wrote about auroras in the first book of his Naturales Quaestiones, classifying them, for instance, as pithaei (‘barrel-like’); chasmata (‘chasm’); pogoniae (‘bearded’); cyparissae (‘like cypress trees’); and describing their manifold colours. He wrote about whether they were above or below the clouds, and recalled that under Tiberius, an aurora formed above the port city of Ostia that was so intense and red that a cohort of the army, stationed nearby for fire duty, galloped to the rescue.[81] It has been suggested that Pliny the Elder depicted the aurora borealis in his Natural History, when he refers to trabes, chasma, “falling red flames”, and “daylight in the night”.[82]

The earliest depiction of the aurora may have been in Cro-Magnon cave paintings of northern Spain dating to 30,000 BC.[83]

The oldest known written record of the aurora was in a Chinese legend written around 2600 BC. On an autumn around 2000 BC,[84] according to a legend, a young woman named Fubao was sitting alone in the wilderness by a bay, when suddenly a “magical band of light” appeared like “moving clouds and flowing water”, turning into a bright halo around the Big Dipper, which cascaded a pale silver brilliance, illuminating the earth and making shapes and shadows seem alive. Moved by this sight, Fubao became pregnant and gave birth to a son, the Emperor Xuanyuan, known legendarily as the initiator of Chinese culture and the ancestor of all Chinese people.[citation needed] In the Shanhaijing, a creature named Shilong is described to be like a red dragon shining in the night sky with a body a thousand miles long. In ancient times, the Chinese did not have a fixed word for the aurora, so it was named according to the different shapes of the aurora, such as “Sky Dog” (天狗), “Sword/Knife Star” (刀星), “Chiyou banner” (蚩尤旗), “Sky’s Open Eyes” (天开眼), and “Stars like Rain”

In Japanese folklore, pheasants were considered messengers from heaven. However, researchers from Japan’s Graduate University for Advanced Studies and National Institute of Polar Research claimed in March 2020 that red pheasant tails witnessed across the night sky over Japan in 620 A.D., might be a red aurora produced during a magnetic storm.[85]

The Aboriginal Australians associated auroras (which are mainly low on the horizon and predominantly red) with fire.

In the traditions of Aboriginal Australians, the Aurora Australis is commonly associated with fire. For example, the Gunditjmara people of western Victoria called auroras puae buae (‘ashes’), while the Gunai people of eastern Victoria perceived auroras as bushfires in the spirit world. The Dieri people of South Australia say that an auroral display is kootchee, an evil spirit creating a large fire. Similarly, the Ngarrindjeri people of South Australia refer to auroras seen over Kangaroo Island as the campfires of spirits in the ‘Land of the Dead’. Aboriginal people[which?] in southwest Queensland believe the auroras to be the fires of the Oola Pikka, ghostly spirits who spoke to the people through auroras. Sacred law forbade anyone except male elders from watching or interpreting the messages of ancestors they believed were transmitted through an aurora.[86]

Among the Māori people of New Zealand, aurora australis or Tahunui-a-rangi (“great torches in the sky”) were lit by ancestors who sailed south to a “land of ice” (or their descendants);[87][88] these people were said to be Ui-te-Rangiora‘s expedition party who had reached the Southern Ocean.[87] around the 7th century.[89]

Aurora pictured as wreath of rays in the coat of arms of Utsjoki

In Scandinavia, the first mention of norðrljós (the northern lights) is found in the Norwegian chronicle Konungs Skuggsjá from AD 1230. The chronicler has heard about this phenomenon from compatriots returning from Greenland, and he gives three possible explanations: that the ocean was surrounded by vast fires; that the sun flares could reach around the world to its night side; or that glaciers could store energy so that they eventually became fluorescent.[90]

Walter William Bryant wrote in his book Kepler (1920) that Tycho Brahe “seems to have been something of a homoeopathist, for he recommends sulfur to cure infectious diseases ‘brought on by the sulfurous vapours of the Aurora Borealis’”.[91]

In 1778, Benjamin Franklin theorized in his paper Aurora Borealis, Suppositions and Conjectures towards forming an Hypothesis for its Explanation that an aurora was caused by a concentration of electrical charge in the polar regions intensified by the snow and moisture in the air:[92][93][94]

May not then the great quantity of electricity brought into the polar regions by the clouds, which are condens’d there, and fall in snow, which electricity would enter the earth, but cannot penetrate the ice; may it not, I say (as a bottle overcharged) break thro’ that low atmosphere and run along in the vacuum over the air towards the equator, diverging as the degrees of longitude enlarge, strongly visible where densest, and becoming less visible as it more diverges; till it finds a passage to the earth in more temperate climates, or is mingled with the upper air?

Observations of the rhythmic movement of compass needles due to the influence of an aurora were confirmed in the Swedish city of Uppsala by Anders Celsius and Olof Hiorter. In 1741, Hiorter was able to link large magnetic fluctuation to the observation of an aurora overhead. This evidence helped to support their theory that ‘magnetic storms’ are responsible for such compass fluctuations.[95]

Frederic Edwin Church‘s 1865 painting Aurora Borealis

A variety of Native American myths surround the spectacle. The European explorer Samuel Hearne travelled with Chipewyan Dene in 1771 and recorded their views on the ed-thin (‘caribou’). According to Hearne, the Dene people saw the resemblance between an aurora and the sparks produced when caribou fur is stroked. They believed that the lights were the spirits of their departed friends dancing in the sky, and when they shone brightly it meant that their deceased friends were very happy.[96]

During the night after the Battle of Fredericksburg, an aurora was seen from the battlefield. The Confederate Army took this as a sign that God was on their side, as the lights were rarely seen so far south. The painting Aurora Borealis by Frederic Edwin Church is widely interpreted to represent the conflict of the American Civil War.[97]

A mid 19th-century British source says auroras were a rare occurrence before the 18th century.[98] It quotes Halley as saying that before the aurora of 1716, no such phenomenon had been recorded for more than 80 years, and none of any consequence since 1574. It says no appearance is recorded in the Transactions of the French Academy of Sciences between 1666 and 1716; and that one aurora recorded in Berlin Miscellany for 1797 was called a very rare event. One observed in 1723 at Bologna was stated to be the first ever seen there. Celsius (1733) states the oldest residents of Uppsala thought the phenomenon a great rarity before 1716. The period between approximately 1645 and 1715 corresponds to the Maunder minimum in sunspot activity.

In Robert W. Service‘s satirical poem “The Ballad of the Northern Lights” (1908), a Yukon prospector discovers that the aurora is the glow from a radium mine. He stakes his claim, then goes to town looking for investors.

In the early 1900s, the Norwegian scientist Kristian Birkeland laid the foundation[colloquialism] for the current understanding of geomagnetism and polar auroras.

In Sami mythology, the northern lights are caused by the deceased who bled to death cutting themselves, their blood spilling on the sky. Many aboriginal peoples of northern Eurasia and North America share similar beliefs of northern lights being the blood of the deceased, some believing they are caused by dead warriors’ blood spraying on the sky as they engage in playing games, riding horses or having fun in some other way.[citation needed]

Extraterrestrial aurorae

See also: Magnetosphere of Jupiter § Aurorae

Jupiter aurora; the far left bright spot connects magnetically to Io; the spots at the bottom of the image lead to Ganymede and Europa.An aurora high above the northern part of Saturn; image taken by the Cassini spacecraft. A movie shows images from 81 hours of observations of Saturn’s aurora.

Both Jupiter and Saturn have magnetic fields that are stronger than Earth’s (Jupiter’s equatorial field strength is 4.3 gauss, compared to 0.3 gauss for Earth), and both have extensive radiation belts. Auroras have been observed on both gas planets, most clearly using the Hubble Space Telescope, and the Cassini and Galileo spacecraft, as well as on Uranus and Neptune.[99]

The aurorae on Saturn seem, like Earth’s, to be powered by the solar wind. However, Jupiter’s aurorae are more complex. Jupiter’s main auroral oval is associated with the plasma produced by the volcanic moon Io, and the transport of this plasma within the planet’s magnetosphere. An uncertain fraction of Jupiter’s aurorae are powered by the solar wind. In addition, the moons, especially Io, are also powerful sources of aurora. These arise from electric currents along field lines (“field aligned currents”), generated by a dynamo mechanism due to the relative motion between the rotating planet and the moving moon. Io, which has active volcanism and an ionosphere, is a particularly strong source, and its currents also generate radio emissions, which have been studied since 1955. Using the Hubble Space Telescope, auroras over Io, Europa and Ganymede have all been observed.

Auroras have also been observed on Venus and Mars. Venus has no magnetic field and so Venusian auroras appear as bright and diffuse patches of varying shape and intensity, sometimes distributed over the full disc of the planet.[100] A Venusian aurora originates when electrons from the solar wind collide with the night-side atmosphere.

An aurora was detected on Mars, on 14 August 2004, by the SPICAM instrument aboard Mars Express. The aurora was located at Terra Cimmeria, in the region of 177° east, 52° south. The total size of the emission region was about 30 km across, and possibly about 8 km high. By analysing a map of crustal magnetic anomalies compiled with data from Mars Global Surveyor, scientists observed that the region of the emissions corresponded to an area where the strongest magnetic field is localized. This correlation indicated that the origin of the light emission was a flux of electrons moving along the crust magnetic lines and exciting the upper atmosphere of Mars.[99][101]

Between 2014 and 2016, cometary auroras were observed on comet 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko by multiple instruments on the Rosetta spacecraft.[102][103] The auroras were observed at far-ultraviolet wavelengths. Coma observations revealed atomic emissions of hydrogen and oxygen caused by the photodissociation (not photoionization, like in terrestrial auroras) of water molecules in the comet’s coma.[103] The interaction of accelerated electrons from the solar wind with gas particles in the coma is responsible for the aurora.[103] Since comet 67P has no magnetic field, the aurora is diffusely spread around the comet.[103]

Exoplanets, such as hot Jupiters, have been suggested to experience ionization in their upper atmospheres and generate an aurora modified by weather in their turbulent tropospheres.[104] However, there is no current detection of an exoplanet aurora.

The first ever extra-solar auroras were discovered in July 2015 over the brown dwarf star LSR J1835+3259.[105] The mainly red aurora was found to be a million times brighter than the northern lights, a result of the charged particles interacting with hydrogen in the atmosphere. It has been speculated that stellar winds may be stripping off material from the surface of the brown dwarf to produce their own electrons. Another possible explanation for the auroras is that an as-yet-undetected body around the dwarf star is throwing off material, as is the case with Jupiter and its moon Io.[10

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Aurora

Aurora (Star Trek CGI)

I found the Harry Mudd inspired film and Aurora a few years ago. It’s great work. I feature it on my noncommercial Roku channel called Martian Poop. Below is copied and pasted from the creator’s website, which as you may know I do this kind of thing for nostalgia’s sake, because you never know when a fan film website will go down. After all, they make NO money from their ventures, and neither do I (see my donation link, wink wink.)

From Tim’s site: Aurora is an original animated production set in the Star Trek universe. Aurora follows the exploits of captain Kara Carpenter and her new (and only) Vulcan first mate T’Ling on their tiny merchanter cargo ship Aurora. These fully CG-animated movies are set just after the original Star Trek series in a lawless sector of space, where Kara and T’Ling engage in their marginal venture while trying to both turn a profit and stay out of trouble, but even in the vastness of space, trouble is never far away…and sometimes the past is never far enough behind.

Inspiration for Aurora. The inspiration for following the exploits of interstellar merchanters rather than Starfleet characters comes from the many civilians that Kirk’s Enterprise encountered in the original series: as a kid, I would see these jumpsuit-clad people on this planet or that station and wonder more about their stories–where did they come from? How did they get there? What happened to them afterwards? “Mudd’s Women,” for example, always stuck with me, perhaps because it contained some of the only extended scenes in the original series between ordinary human civilians with no Starfleet characters around–particularly the scenes where Eve and the miner Childress go through a kind of prickly courtship, and Childress proves to be nicer and more vulnerable than he seemed, and Eve proves to be tougher and smarter than she appeared; it was a rare glimpse into a whole different side of the Trek universe by showing us fleshed-out civilian characters with their own histories and personalities, and suggested endless possibilities for non-Starfleet characters and stories. But for all the civilians–even Harry Mudd–it seemed to me that they’d have to be almost as courageous as the Enterprise crew to leave their home planet behind and put themselves out there in that very same unpredictable and sometimes hostile galaxy–but without a heavily armed starship at their disposal!

Other inspiration for me, in terms of space merchanter life, comes from the many science fiction novels of C.J.Cherryh (who has won both Hugo and Nebula awards for her writing). Cherryh’s sharp writing, eye for technical detail, and portrayal of characters who don’t act like characters but instead act like real, flawed people make for fully realized settings and stories where it doesn’t take a giant space battle to make you turn the pages (not that there isn’t the occasional giant space battle), since space has hazards enough for anyone willing to try to get from point A to point B in one piece. Cherryh also particularly shines at creating believable aliens and alien cultures. I recommend the Chanur Saga and Downbelow Station as good books to start with.

Lifelong Trekker. I guess I hadn’t really realized what a lifelong Trekker I was until I decided to create Aurora. I had always been interested in animation, and when I finally had the means to do an entire movie, Star Trek was the first thing I thought of. Perhaps it was partly that Enterprise had recently been cancelled, but I was feeling a void, and it seemed like the only way to fill it was to do it myself. (I’ll confess that I didn’t know that there were other fan films until after I had started production!) In any case, working on Aurora made me think about how I really grew up on Star Trek: as I mentioned, I watched the original series first-run as a little kid in the 60’s; got to know the episodes by heart in syndication in the early 70’s; went and saw Gene Roddenberry talk at the local university in the mid-70’s; got together with friends for a party to celebrate the launch of Next Generation in the 80’s; almost couldn’t keep up in the 90’s between Voyager, DS9, and the movies; and finally in the 00’s there was Enterprise, which I had to tape and send to a friend who didn’t get UPN. I don’t know what the future holds for Star Trek, but all the fan productions, fan fiction, and general Trek activity on the web is certainly exciting and proves there is still widespread interest, so I’ll continue to work on my little corner of the Trek universe.

Thanks–Tim

Star Trek: Aurora: it’s “Trek” outside the uniform…

Okay so that’s the end of the copied and pasted part from Tim’s website. You may remember that I spoke about fan-film property rights on the front page of the website. I simply hope to support his efforts and that’s why you see what you do herein. Remember, we do fan films and related things like this website on a “wing and a prayer” and for the love of it all.

The Verse

The ultimate Firefly/Serenity fan film in all its glory…The following contains some excerpts from IMDB and other sources like LootCrate.

I think it’s safe to say that Joss Whedon‘s Firefly series isn’t going to come back anytime soon, if ever. Thanks to the fans, though, that universe will never die! Loot Crate has released a 15-minute short film called “The Verse” that is set in the world of Firefly, and it actually turned out really cool.

The short features a new crew, a new Serenity inspired ship called the Overland, and, of course, a story that features a little bit of misbehavin’.

The dialogue and tone of the short feel very familiar, and I’m sure fans of the series are really going to enjoy what it has to offer, especially when it comes to the humor. Even though this is a different crew full of characters with different names, they are obviously based on the lovably awesome crew of the Serenity, and it works really well in this.

Meet Captain Bret Hunter (Ryan Caldwell), a former Alliance Navy man gone AWOL, and his ragtag crew and passengers aboard the Overland, a scrappy transport ship on the outskirts of the galaxy–and the law. Along for the ride are: Caroline Stack (Jennifer Wenger), a formidable bounty hunter and co-owner of the ship; ship’s pilot Travis “Yoke” Sandspur (Peter Weidman), the Captain’s old Navy buddy; Rusty Duvall (Zack Finfrock), awkward and genius ship’s mechanic; Maribelle Crawford (Tybee Diskin), a Governor’s runaway daughter and master markswoman; and Jon “Chow” Zhou (Ewan Chung), a traveling salesman/conman attempting to make a buck and show his worth on board. After rounding up Annie Whitehall (Alex Marshall-Brown), an unlikely bounty wanted for murder, Stack commissions Captain Hunter to deliver the girl to a border planet, but Commodore Woodruff (Vic Mignogna of Star Trek Continues) has other plans.
—Marissa Zaenger

Starring Hunter (the captain): Ryan Caldwell (@rycaldwell)

With: Jennifer Wenger as “Stack” (@JennyWenger) (of Salvage Marines, starring Casper Van Dien)

Also with…Yoke: Peter Weidman (@PeterWeidman) Maribelle: Tybee Diskin (@hellotybeeren) Rusty: Zack Finfrock (@ZackFinfrock) Annie: Alex Marshall-Brown (@amarshallbrown) Chow: Ewan Chung (@ewanchung)

I searched for original postings of the The Verse article by Lootcrate, but it’s gone online. Below are snapshots from the magazine, which you may want to zoom into in order to read.

ART & MORE…

About these pics…

I decided to post all these pics because many were shot on location at the California studios rather than at a custom made studio like The Neutral Zone. And also, these are a great record of how pre-production was done, so it’s great food for thought if you would like to make a Firefly fan film. Note: I’d love to make a Firefly fanfilm here in metro Detroit some day, let me know if you’re interested on my Facebook.com/DeanLach page or comment below. Cheers for now…Dean

PS: Support our NONcommercial efforts via paypal.

Star Trek: Of Gods and Men

It is the year 2306. Thirteen years have passed since Captain James T. Kirk was swept away by the Nexus, after saving the crew of the USS Enterprise-B. The remaining crew members of the original USS Enterprise have gone their separate ways. Captain Nyota Uhura and Captain Pavel Chekov, along with Captain John Harriman of the Enterprise-B, come together for a special dedication in honor of Kirk’s Enterprise. Their reunion is cut short when they receive a distress call from a mysterious planet, that presses the three friends to embark on a mission that will change their lives forever.

Star Trek: Of Gods and Men is a noncanonical and unofficial Star Trek fan film, which contains many cast members from the Star Trek TV series and movies. Its backstory is Charlie X, the second episode of Star Trek: The Original Series. Described by the producers as a “40th-anniversary gift” from Star Trek actors to their fans, it was filmed in 2006, but its release was delayed until 2007–08. It was not endorsed by the rights-holders of Star Trek, but has been covered on the official Star Trek website.

Star Trek: Of Gods and Men features an enormous slate of well known talent. Below is a rare poster for the film, which started out as a Star Trek “fan-film” Directed by Tim Russ of Voyager. There is only (one) other Trek-branded film made by the same team of filmmakers (Atomic Network.)

Directed by Tim Russ
Screenplay by Ethan H. Calk Sky Conway Jack Treviño
Story by Sky Conway Tim Russ Jack Treviño Ethan H. Calk
Produced by Sky Conway
Starring Nichelle Nichols Walter Koenig Grace Lee Whitney Alan Ruck Chase Masterson Tim Russ
Garrett Wang Ethan Phillips J. G. Hertzler Cirroc Lofton Gary Graham

Cinematography Douglas Knapp
Music by Justin R. Durban
Release date June 15, 2008 Running time 89 minutes

The film starts in 2305, when a mysterious man (William Wellman Jr.) with mind-powers approaches a station manager. (Neelix, Ethan Phillips from Voyager is in this scene!) I won’t give it all away, but suffice to say that later in the film Chekov (under the nom de guerre “Kittrick”) and his shape-shifting companion Ragnar (Gary Graham), lead a movement of freedom fighters…

It’s important to note that although this film was very promising, and it’s fun to watch, it was good enough to ramp up the Crowdsourcing campaign for the next film “Renegades.” Before we get into that second film Directed by Tim Russ, here’s some more details about Of Gods and Men.


Walter Koenig as Captain Pavel Chekov / Kittrick


Nichelle Nichols as Captain Nyota Uhura


Alan Ruck as Captain John Harriman


Garrett Wang as Commander Garan


William Wellman Jr. as Charlie Evans


J. G. Hertzler as Koval, a Klingon


Gary Graham as Ragnar


Tim Russ as Tuvok


Chase Masterson as Xela, an Orion


Ethan Phillips as Data Clerk


Cirroc Lofton as Sevar, a Vulcan


Lawrence Montaigne as Stonn


James Cawley as Commander Peter Kirk (James T. Kirk’s nephew)

Grace Lee Whitney as Janice Rand


Herbert Jefferson as Captain Galt

Daamen Krall as Gary Mitchell
Crystal Allen as Conqueror Navigator Yara

Bobby Quinn Rice as G.S.S. Conqueror Klingon Officer/Romulan Officer
John Carrigan as Klingon Officer Kel’mag / G.S.S. Conqueror Klingon Officer
Jeff Quinn as Conqueror Helmsman, a Romulan[3]
Arlene Martel as Vulcan Priestess
Jack Donner as Wedding guest
Tania Lemani as Wedding guest


Celeste Yarnall as Wedding guest


Production

The series was directed by Tim Russ and conceived and produced by Sky Conway. Best known for playing Tuvok on Star Trek: Voyager, Russ had directed one episode of that series. The series was shot on the Star Trek: New Voyages sets in Port Henry, New York. Scenes were also shot around the Los Angeles area, including at Vasquez Rocks, a popular site for Star Trek location footage.[Scenes set at the Vulcan Science Academy were filmed in the San Fernando Valley.[6] Principal photography began July 12, 2006, and finished in October 2006.

The series was produced with a budget of $150,000. Actors were paid according to SAG guidelines, but others involved in the making of the miniseries helped to produce it with little or no pay as “a labor of love”.

Returning Star Trek cast and crew

Recap of talent: The miniseries starred Nichelle Nichols as Nyota Uhura, Walter Koenig as Pavel Chekov, Grace Lee Whitney as Janice Rand, and Celeste Yarnall as Yeoman Martha Landon, (here, as special wedding guest) from the original series.[8] Alan Ruck also reprised his role as Captain Harriman from Star Trek Generations, and Tim Russ appeared as Tuvok. Other regular Star Trek actors appeared in new roles, including Garrett Wang (Harry Kim) and Ethan Phillips (who played Neelix from Voyager), J. G. Hertzler, Cirroc Lofton, and Chase Masterson (Martok, Jake Sisko, and Leeta from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), and Gary Graham (Ambassador Soval from Enterprise). The series was written by DS9 writers Jack Treviño and Ethan H. Calk. Douglas Knapp, the director of photography, had worked on Voyager.

Co-writer Jack Treviño explained how so many actors from the series had been willing to participate:

Trek actors have a special relationship with their fans … they regarded the project, not only as the ultimate thank you to Gene Roddenberry and the original stars of Trek, but [also] as a thank-you to [the fans] who supported the series over the last 40 years.

Executive producer Douglas Conway had tried to assemble more of the original series cast, but when George Takei (Hikaru Sulu) was not available, this led to the idea of including Ruck’s character as captain.[10]

Three actors from Star Trek: New Voyages, James Cawley, Jeff Quinn, and Bobby Quinn Rice (Kirk, Spock, and Peter Kirk), also featured.

Release dates

The press releases in July and October 2006 anticipated a Christmas 2006 release.[8] On January 6, 2007, the first part of the series was announced as delayed until April. This was to allow the three parts of the miniseries to be released closer together, with the second part following in May, and the third in June.

On April 15, 2007, the planned release date of part one, the official website announced that the release of the films had been delayed yet again. On October 31, 2007, the official website announced that part one would be released on December 22, 2007.[12] On February 20, 2008, part two was announced to be released on March 15, 2008.[13] On May 22, 2008, part three was announced to be released on June 15, 2008.

In a May 2007 interview with Houston Chronicle blogger J. Kevin Tumlinson, director Tim Russ said the producers were attempting to distribute the project through current Star Trek franchise owner CBS, and if successful, they would sell the production as either a download or a DVD. The producers then clarified on the official forum that while “plans to release the series as a free download remain in place”, licensing by CBS would be required for any versions for sale, e.g. DVDs.[15]

In November 2008, Renegade Studios began giving free DVDs of the film as thank-you gifts to their online customers. As of December 2009, a new edition of the DVD with pop-up commentary trivia was being offered.

Reception

The film won the 2008 Best Web Production award from SyFy Portal.[16]

Follow-up

Star Trek: Renegades, a series directed by Russ and with many others of the series team, was released on a nonprofit basis in 2015.

Watch Star Trek: Of Gods and Men on our Martian Poop Roku channel!

Digital Ghost

Nicely done effects and German dialog, we’ve posted the Youtube video here, and it has SUBTITLES BURNED IN ENGLISH. (So you should not need to turn CC on.)

A prototype starship, completely controlled by an artificial intelligence, goes rogue. The two Starfleet officers overseeing the test flight try to stop the machine. Production by “The LIght Works” — however their website is no longer functional, so I don’t have a lot of details. Here’s some pics, featuring German Actor, Erich Redman and others.

Watch on Youtube here: